San Francisco Sex Information

Q: I’m 17 and I’ve been with my girlfriend about 6 months now. Every time we are about to have sex I can get an erection no problem. But then after having sex for a while I start to get soft. I feel really bad afterwards because im worried she didn’t get enough pleasure. Please, can you give me any answers?

A: We’d like to address the subject of worry first as this can contribute to erection variabilities.

Most males have variable erections at one time or another. Worry is a common response, however, best not to worry as this can add to the erection problem. Accepting that erections can come and go can help reduce the chance of worry occurring. Having a conversation with your girlfriend when you have some privacy, but not when you’re in the middle of being sexual can be helpful. Women and girls can get sexual pleasure in many ways in addition to penetration by an erection. Your fingers, mouth, voice, the look in your eye, or a loving gesture could also contribute to her pleasure. Focusing your attention to pleasing her clitoris could bring her pleasure.

To reduce your worry, you may want to have a talk with her about what specifically pleases her. If she is unaware that erections can come and go, it might help reduce any worry that she may have to let her know. There’s a technical term for your kind of worry called “performance anxiety.” Athletes and stage performers also are subject to this kind of worry. A way to reduce this kind of worry is to think of it as kind of excitement, but with a negative fantasy attached to it. Let go of the negative fantasy and what you have left is simply excitement.

Another thing that might to contribute to erection variables can be worry about possible pregnancy. Are you using birth control? For some males, using snug condoms can enhance their erection. You may need to try different brands or styles to find the right and comfortable fit. A type called “Slims” might be available in your area. Condoms can come in many different sizes. This is not a cure-all for erection issues, but might be fun to try out and prevent pregnancy at the same time.

Remember also that at 17 years old, you are a beginner just learning about sex, yourself, and females, even if you feel like you know a lot already. This is not a bad thing, it just means that there’s so many more wonderful things about life to learn and experience.

Q: I have seen in pornos that people have condom-less anal sex and condom-less ass to mouth. I was wondering if you knew what they did to ensure the cleanness of that area on the inside?

A: First off, pretty much anything you see in porno is an exaggerated sex practice. The performers are taking certain risks, which they understand going in to the scenes. Porn performers are required to know and be able to prove their STD status at all times.

To answer the broader question we can give you some information about cleanliness and risks of anal sex and ass to mouth play of any kind (ass to mouth and rimming).

Cleanliness – To prepare the rectum and anus for sex people usually take a shower or bath, and use an enema. There are 2 basic types of enema. One is the larger enema bottle that comes with a hose. A person lies down in the bathtub and receives some water into their rectum. Then they get up and let the water out into the toilet. The other method is to use a small squirt bottle called an “anal douche” or “disposable enema” from the drug store. Dump out the liquid that comes with the anal douche and replace it with warm water. The water can be squirted into the rectum while the person sits on the toilet and lets the water out into the toilet. The process can be repeated a couple times. With any enema it’s important to wait 15-20 minutes after before having sex so the rectum can recover.

Risks – Even with enemas there are still several health risks to condomless anal sex and ass to mouth. One risk is STDs. It’s possible to transmit HIV, Herpes, HPV, Syphilis, Chlamydia, and Gonorrhea between a penis and a butt. Using a lot of lube reduces the risks of some of these STD transfers by a significant amount. Even if you aren’t using condoms, use a lot of lube.

The risks of any contact between a person’s mouth and something that’s been in an ass (or is an ass) are Hepatitis and bacterial infections. The risk there is that some fecal matter gets into the rimmer’s mouth. No amount of douching can remove this risk. The good news is that Hepatitis can be tested for and also there is a vaccine.

If you are into this sort of play we suggest you consider using condoms and dental dams, get yourself and partners tested for the STDs, and also consider getting the Hepatitis vaccine.

Q: If you are looking for more excitement during sex with your partner, is it wrong to ask him to do something that turns you on? To him, it’s a turn off and he gives up on sex completely.

When he wants sex, which is almost everyday, I’m not as thrilled cause he’s a quick cummer. I try to boost my energy so we can try but I don’t get turned on by just seeing naked people. For him I just take off my clothes and he’s hard. I try to ask him to do a few simple things that turn me on like finding my hole without me telling him where to go. He doesn’t bother to look down. He just tries to guess and it always fails. Then I have to get on top and stick it in. I’m I selfish for wanting a little spice? I just want to feel like my man is pleasing me sexually without me explaining every time what to do.

A: It’s not rude to give your partners tips on how to please you; many people would welcome ideas and tips on how better to excite and please their partners.

It sounds like the style of your current partner — intercourse without a lot of touching or other sexual play — may not give you time to become as aroused and interested in sex as you’d like. Asking for some specific things that may help (touching, caressing, oral sex, sexual play, and so on) may help.

Some people may not be very secure about their sexual skills and may hear a tip or request as criticism of their current techniques and therefore may not react positively. A good way to soften this can be to start off every tip with a compliment about how they currently do things. For example: “I really like the way we have sex–it’s hot!–but I was thinking yesterday about how it could be even hotter if …”.

Good luck to both of you.

[ Cross posted from Yahoo! Answers, where this SFSI Answer was chosen best answer to this question. ]

Q: I take my nuvaring out during sex because I can feel it. I accidentally fell asleep last night without putting it back in. As soon as I realized this morning, I put it back in, but it was probably out for at least 9 hours. I’ve had this nuvaring in for almost two weeks now, but have I thrown off this month’s cycle entirely? I’m not terribly concerned about the sex I had last night because I used spermicide and my boyfriend pulled out (we’re pretty careful), but I’d like to know how cautious we should be for the rest of the month.

A: Thanks for your question. Since the nuvaring is a hormone releasing method, it’s important to use it consistently. According to the manufacturer’s website you may not be protected from pregnancy and should use another form of birth control like a condom or spermicide until you’ve used the nuvaring for seven consecutive days. There is more information on the website about what to do if your nuvaring is out for different lengths of time and we’d encourage you to check with the manufacturer for any other specific questions or concerns about the product. You could also talk to your doctor about the discomfort you are having keeping the nuvaring in during sex.

Q: I’m writing because I’ve been working as a stripper for some time and am considering migrating from that branch of sex work into working as a pro domme. I was wondering if you know the average income for a pro domme or where I might be able to find that out. I’m sure there’s a fair amount of variation depending on experience, marketing skills, etc. I’m just curious about a ballpark figure so I can figure out if I can afford to live on the income domming would generation.

A: As you alluded to in your question an accurate estimate of incomes for pro domme services vary widely based on several factors including your geographic location, the economy, and the environment or establishment where you provide your services, in addition to the ones you already mentioned. Without knowing more information we can only guess at a range of hourly rates you might expect.

It might be more useful for you to do some research in your vicinity and in real time by searching the local community newspapers and internet advertising services such as Craigslist for services similar to the ones you are considering. This type of market research is fairly easy and very effective too. Even better would be to ask someone you know who is already providing these services about what their rates are and what they provide for those rates.

Sometimes the best way to get started in the pro domme business is to train or intern with an already established worker for a period of time. In fact, this is a common practice in the industry as many houses that offer these services have internship programs.

You might check out mypinkbook.com forums for some answers. Some of the users there are dommes, some are escorts, some are masseuses.