San Francisco Sex Information

Q: I have had a foot fetish as long as I can remember. I have never told anyone. Not friends, family, not even my best friend. But last night was so weird. I had a dream i just couldn’t control myself and jumped on a girl and just started having sex with her, including her feet. I also strangely dreamed in the same dream I was on the streets stalking girls. (Both of which I would never do.)

I just feel like such a freak! And I know girls my age wouldn’t understand and would just laugh. I don’t want to get rid of it because I’m guessing it will give me more possibilities later in my sex life. I just want to do something about it! It’s building up inside me but I don’t feel I can tell ANYONE! It’s a thing I’ve carried with me all my life and I don’t hate having it, but not feeling like I can do anything about it! So my question is, can someone help me? I would like to “relieve” it somehow but I don’t know if that would still be considered sex or harmless. I want to relieve it, do something about it, you know? Just take care of it without getting rid of it! Having somebody to tell! Can someone help me with this?

A: Many people have sexual dreams and fantasies about things that they wouldn’t want to try in real life. Having these dreams does not mean you will ever actually do these things. Many people also have fetishes; these fetishes can definitely be part of a healthy sex life, and people are often able to find sexual partners who accept their fetishes and play right along.

If you are worried about your fetish, it might help to hear from others who have had similar experiences. The book “Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples” by Violet Blue has some great information on fetishes in general (not just for couples). There are also good resources on the web: www.goaskalice.columbia.edu is a Q&A site devoted to sexuality, and there are several questions and answers there addressing foot fetishes.

Just keep in mind that having a fetish is not as “odd” as you might think. There are definitely others who can identify with you, and with a little searching, you can find some ideas for how to navigate your feelings until, and even after, you’re ready to share them with someone.

[ Cross posted from Yahoo! Answers, where this SFSI Answer was chosen best answer to this question. ]

Q: I’m a 20-year-old woman who has abstained from most sexual activity up to now by choice, largely because of reservations about the guys I’ve dated. I don’t regret that at all, but now I’m pretty inexperienced and seeing an older more experienced person. I imagine I feel as weird asking basic sexual questions as he does answering them. It also doesn’t help that I’m entirely self-educated in just about everything sexual (seriously, no one has ever straight-up told me where babies come from. I mean, I figured it out eventually, but still. Come on.), so there could be holes in my knowledge.

So here’s the problem: I’m fine experience-wise with my own pleasure because of, you know, owning a vagina that’s at my disposal to experiment with, but I’m not sure of how to go about really basic manual and oral sex on the male side. My boyfriend is comfortable with (and very skilled at) giving both manual and oral stimulation, and I feel badly not properly reciprocating. I’ve given a couple hand jobs, but I feel uneasy about it, and not sure if I’m “doing it right,” which is one of those awkward questions I’d rather not ask my boyfriend while I’m trying to give him an orgasm. I haven’t attempted oral yet, and the thought of it makes me pretty nervous. I know people’s experiences differ, and that I’m just going to have to live and learn at some point, but I’d like some advice on how to go about things, especially on the oral side, and hopefully come close to giving as much as I’m getting.
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Q: I get Urinary Tract Infections after having sex with strap on dildos. How do I prevent this from happening? I don’t use condoms just normal KY lube.

A: We don’t recommend KY lube. Try a glycerin-free lube, there are many made specifically for sex toys. Additionally, you might want to try using a condom when having strap-on sex. Please keep in mind that washing the dildo before and after each use will help to rid it of bacteria that may be causing your UTIs. If, during sex the dildo is used on a partner or partners other than you, cleaning it between sessions, or using a condom for one of you and then removing it before penetrating the next partner will help limit the spread of bacteria, On a similar note, you can use this same trick to avoid cross-contamination when going from vaginal intercourse to anal, or vice versa.

Another thing to keep in mind is that toys do have a limited life span. If your dildo is getting old it might be time to replace it. This is also true if you notice any cuts, gashes, nicks, etc. These can harbor bacteria, which could be contributing to your UTIs.

Please keep in mind that your UTIs might not be related to your strap-on sex at all. If you continue to have them we recommend you visit your doctor.

Q: Hello, I have a couple questions on something my girlfriend wants to do. My girlfriend wants to do some scat play. She is really into it and has never had the courage to bring it in with a partner. She tells me that she is into soiling her panties and diapers. I’ve now noticed that she has started to work me into it by doing a lot of rimming, Ass to mouth on me and her. She tells me that she isn’t into eating it.

I used to fantasize about this when I was younger, but placed this on the back burner.

I understand that this will be a tough topic to give advice on. What kind of advice can be given about this? What is the easiest way of getting into this? Do you know of any websites that has more info on this?

A: Scat play is a fetish greatly enjoyed by some people. It’s very possible to enjoy scat play in a healthy way.

The main risks are getting scat where it can cause an infection. Likely places of infection are urethra, vagina, mouth and eyes. Getting scat in your mouth can lead to throat or intestinal infections. It’s not as much a problem to get your own scat into your mouth as it is the scat of another person. Your immune system is already used to the flora in your scat. Washing the anus before rimming will greatly reduce the bacteria there but may not get it 100%.

Another risk is catching Hepatitis. If neither of you have Hepatitis then you can’t get it, but it is considered a safe move by many scat play fetishists to get the Hepatitis Vaccines anyway. That way you’re protected with all partners.

As for how to get started, you just need to find out what is hot for you and your girlfriend. You might try acting out one of her fantasies first, as a show of support for her honest communication. Then you can think about what is hot for you about the scat play or other fantasies you may have. You may need to get a couple extra sheets and towels to cover your regular bedding, so you can be spontaneous with the play.

Go Ask Alice has a lot of info about scat play, rimming and A2V(agina).

Q: I am a girl kinda experienced with sex, but I have never had an orgasm when I have sex. I lost my virginity when I was 16 and since then I have been having sex. I fake it all the time but I want to experience the real thing. There are times when I have sex for hours and still nothing. I am really tired of faking it!

A: Whether you are a male or female, the best thing you can do is to figure out what feels good to you. If you’re able to orgasm through masturbation, pay attention to what works for you both physically and mentally. It’s preferable that you feel comfortable with your sexual partner- comfortable enough that you can communicate this issue to him or her, not be worrying about it during sex, and be willing to try different things with time and without pressure to succeed right away.

[ Cross posted from Yahoo! Answers, where this SFSI Answer was chosen best answer to this question. ]