Q: I’m 17 and I’ve been with my girlfriend about 6 months now. Every time we are about to have sex I can get an erection no problem. But then after having sex for a while I start to get soft. I feel really bad afterwards because im worried she didn’t get enough pleasure. Please, can you give me any answers?
A: We’d like to address the subject of worry first as this can contribute to erection variabilities.
Most males have variable erections at one time or another. Worry is a common response, however, best not to worry as this can add to the erection problem. Accepting that erections can come and go can help reduce the chance of worry occurring. Having a conversation with your girlfriend when you have some privacy, but not when you’re in the middle of being sexual can be helpful. Women and girls can get sexual pleasure in many ways in addition to penetration by an erection. Your fingers, mouth, voice, the look in your eye, or a loving gesture could also contribute to her pleasure. Focusing your attention to pleasing her clitoris could bring her pleasure.
To reduce your worry, you may want to have a talk with her about what specifically pleases her. If she is unaware that erections can come and go, it might help reduce any worry that she may have to let her know. There’s a technical term for your kind of worry called “performance anxiety.” Athletes and stage performers also are subject to this kind of worry. A way to reduce this kind of worry is to think of it as kind of excitement, but with a negative fantasy attached to it. Let go of the negative fantasy and what you have left is simply excitement.
Another thing that might to contribute to erection variables can be worry about possible pregnancy. Are you using birth control? For some males, using snug condoms can enhance their erection. You may need to try different brands or styles to find the right and comfortable fit. A type called “Slims” might be available in your area. Condoms can come in many different sizes. This is not a cure-all for erection issues, but might be fun to try out and prevent pregnancy at the same time.
Remember also that at 17 years old, you are a beginner just learning about sex, yourself, and females, even if you feel like you know a lot already. This is not a bad thing, it just means that there’s so many more wonderful things about life to learn and experience.