San Francisco Sex Information

Q: My boyfriend and I just recently tried anal sex. He got partially in, and then I called it quits. He then just reinserted his penis in to my vagina with out washing it. We don’t use condoms because we are monogamous. Now, my vagina itches and has a lot of white/yellowish discharge. This started two days after the sex. Is it possible that the anal sex and him not washing had something to do with this?

A: Yes, going from anal penetration to vaginal penetration without washing in between can cause problems. What you describe is most probably a bacterial infection and easily taken care of with antibiotics. Just go to your doctor or any health clinic and let them know what happened. What happened is quite normal (plenty of folks make this mistake sometime) and not serious unless left untreated.

You can move from the vagina to the anus without problem, but the other way has the potential to cause problems. We all have certain bacteria in our rectum that live just fine in that environment, but when introduced in the vagina they get out of control and cause an infection.

In terms of anal sex, there are a number of things you can do to successfully have painless, erotic, fulfilling and great anal sex. If you would like to know more about that, please feel free to email us back and we can give you some advice and even other resources (books, web sites, etc).

Q: I get turned on, as a lot of men do, by the idea of seeing my girlfriend with another girl. We discussed it and don’t want to be polyamorous, because we think that could cause problems and seriously damage our relationship, which we are very serious about.

But both me and my girlfriend like the idea of a threesome and she wants to have this experience. So we decided that the best way was for her to do it with another girl while I just watch. We think it is best that the other girl is not someone we know or are likely to see around ever again, as that will make it weird and may cause problems.

But we have no idea where or how to find someone like this who will be willing to have sex with my girlfriend while I watch, who will disappear afterwards and be completely no strings attached, and who is also completely safe and clean. We are going on a road-trip around California soon, and think that may be the perfect chance.

Do you have any tips?

A: Many people fantasize about having a threesome and do seek out a third partner to join them for sex. Some people seek out anonymous or one-time encounters and some people seek out a partner that may join them again.

Web sites such as Craigslist have classifieds-style posts from and for folks looking for NSA (no strings attached) sex, or “casual encounters.” You may wish to look through those ads or to post one of your own. If you post an ad, be specific about what you are looking for and you may receive responses from like-minded people.

Whether you post an ad or respond to someone else’s ad, it’s a good idea to get a phone number and speak to that person before meeting. Just asking for a phone number tends to stop the “lurkers” who are not sincere in their response. You may also wish to meet a new person in person at a public place such as a coffee shop before going back to your home for sex. Communicate about what your expectations are and ask about any STD concerns.

Another avenue to explore would be “swinger” organizations that cater to couples and singles looking for multi-partner experiences. There are many swinger organizations listed online, maybe even one in your area.

Q: I have a question regarding the Hepatitis B Vaccine. It’s a series of 3 shots, but there is a disconnect in the 4-1-1 out there. Some folks say that one is 100% protected for like a year after the 1st 2 shots, and that the 3rd only guarantees the long-term protection (something like 5-10 years). Other folks report that one needs the full 3 shots in order to have 100% protection. What’s your take?

A: The vaccination is given in a three shot series and it is recommended to complete the course within 6 months. Through our own contacts we are told that all three shots are needed to be 100% effective against Hepatitis B. You will not be 100% covered, even for a shorter time period, after only one or two of the three shots.

Most importantly, continue through the series of three shots to complete the vaccination. If you miss any, continue through to the third shot at the appropriate intervals, or as soon as possible. If there is a delay, depending on the length of time from the first to the final shot, you may need to check with a doctor and do the series again.

Q: How safe is oral sex?

A: We’re going to assume for this question that you are asking about using the mouth to stimulate a partner’s genitals, and not their anus (a.k.a. rimming).

The safety of oral sex depends on whether either partner has a sexually transmitted disease (STD). The risk of HIV transmission is extremely low, but various other STD’s can be transmitted through oral sex. Some STD’s can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact and others can be transmitted through mucus membranes or fluids, so the mouth and genitals are both areas of concern.

If neither partner has an STD, both giving and receiving oral sex is safe for men and women. A woman cannot get pregnant from giving or receiving oral sex. It’s not harmful to ingest either semen or vaginal fluid. As long as it is comfortable for both partners, oral sex can be a very enjoyable low risk activity.

The San Francisco City Clinic has a handy chart that shows STD risks by activity type.

Q: For the past couple months I’ve been having feelings for my teacher and I never have felt this way before. Many people may look at it and say oh its just a little crush. But honestly I’ve never had such strong feelings for a person. I am 15 years old and he is in his mid-forties. I am really attracted to him and I think that he feels the same way. We often get into deep conversations, at one point we were talking about sex but not discussing what we would do with each other. He often talks to me with sexual innuendos and I do the same. Should I just come up front and tell him how I feel? I can’t take it anymore. He is the only older man I’ve ever felt so attracted to ever.

A: The age difference and teacher-student relationship are both concerning. The situation you are in is a really huge land mine. You could get into trouble and he could get fired or even sent to jail if he starts a physical relationship with you. The age difference issue varies from state to state but in all of them a 15 year old is considered too young to have sex with an adult. You can see the details on age of consent laws across the United States at Cool Nurse. The question of teacher-student relationships continues even in college and beyond. It’s considered an abuse of the teacher’s power to take advantage of the student that way, even if there is mutual attraction. Often the student is actually the one in a position of power by being able to threaten the teacher’s job.

That’s the information we have for you but it probably isn’t very comforting. Your feelings are very strong and new. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s great to communicate and connect with someone, and to have feelings for them. But be aware that acting on those feelings now could ruin his career or marriage, and possibly send him to prison. It could also have a severe impact on your reputation at school and your family.

That deep love and attraction for your teacher may seem overwhelming now, but it’s extremely likely that they will mellow or fade as you meet other folks along the way. Perspectives change as you get older and meet/date/go out with different people in your future life. If something like this was “meant” to be, then it is something that could happen in 4-5 years when you approach your twenties and it is above board for everyone. In the meantime we recommend you check out ScarletTeen, a good sexuality site for teens.