Q: For the past couple months I’ve been having feelings for my teacher and I never have felt this way before. Many people may look at it and say oh its just a little crush. But honestly I’ve never had such strong feelings for a person. I am 15 years old and he is in his mid-forties. I am really attracted to him and I think that he feels the same way. We often get into deep conversations, at one point we were talking about sex but not discussing what we would do with each other. He often talks to me with sexual innuendos and I do the same. Should I just come up front and tell him how I feel? I can’t take it anymore. He is the only older man I’ve ever felt so attracted to ever.
A: The age difference and teacher-student relationship are both concerning. The situation you are in is a really huge land mine. You could get into trouble and he could get fired or even sent to jail if he starts a physical relationship with you. The age difference issue varies from state to state but in all of them a 15 year old is considered too young to have sex with an adult. You can see the details on age of consent laws across the United States at Cool Nurse. The question of teacher-student relationships continues even in college and beyond. It’s considered an abuse of the teacher’s power to take advantage of the student that way, even if there is mutual attraction. Often the student is actually the one in a position of power by being able to threaten the teacher’s job.
That’s the information we have for you but it probably isn’t very comforting. Your feelings are very strong and new. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s great to communicate and connect with someone, and to have feelings for them. But be aware that acting on those feelings now could ruin his career or marriage, and possibly send him to prison. It could also have a severe impact on your reputation at school and your family.
That deep love and attraction for your teacher may seem overwhelming now, but it’s extremely likely that they will mellow or fade as you meet other folks along the way. Perspectives change as you get older and meet/date/go out with different people in your future life. If something like this was “meant” to be, then it is something that could happen in 4-5 years when you approach your twenties and it is above board for everyone. In the meantime we recommend you check out ScarletTeen, a good sexuality site for teens.
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