How can I set up a three-some for my girlfriend and I?

Q: I get turned on, as a lot of men do, by the idea of seeing my girlfriend with another girl. We discussed it and don’t want to be polyamorous, because we think that could cause problems and seriously damage our relationship, which we are very serious about.

But both me and my girlfriend like the idea of a threesome and she wants to have this experience. So we decided that the best way was for her to do it with another girl while I just watch. We think it is best that the other girl is not someone we know or are likely to see around ever again, as that will make it weird and may cause problems.

But we have no idea where or how to find someone like this who will be willing to have sex with my girlfriend while I watch, who will disappear afterwards and be completely no strings attached, and who is also completely safe and clean. We are going on a road-trip around California soon, and think that may be the perfect chance.

Do you have any tips?

A: Many people fantasize about having a threesome and do seek out a third partner to join them for sex. Some people seek out anonymous or one-time encounters and some people seek out a partner that may join them again.

Web sites such as Craigslist have classifieds-style posts from and for folks looking for NSA (no strings attached) sex, or “casual encounters.” You may wish to look through those ads or to post one of your own. If you post an ad, be specific about what you are looking for and you may receive responses from like-minded people.

Whether you post an ad or respond to someone else’s ad, it’s a good idea to get a phone number and speak to that person before meeting. Just asking for a phone number tends to stop the “lurkers” who are not sincere in their response. You may also wish to meet a new person in person at a public place such as a coffee shop before going back to your home for sex. Communicate about what your expectations are and ask about any STD concerns.

Another avenue to explore would be “swinger” organizations that cater to couples and singles looking for multi-partner experiences. There are many swinger organizations listed online, maybe even one in your area.