San Francisco Sex Information

Q: Is it safe for me to urinate inside of a woman’s anal and vaginal passages?

A: The “golden enema” poses a small risk to you of urinary tract infection, as bacteria from her rectum may go into your urethra after peeing. There is almost no risk to your partner unless you have an urinary infection or std you could transfer to her.

Peeing inside the vagina is something that isn’t done very often, partly because like douching it can cause the organisms inside to get out of balance. The urine will sterilize the beneficial bacteria that keep her yeast in check. This is a case where you’d want to explain the risk to your female partner and let her make the call. She could end up with a yeast infection and would want to watch out for the symptoms. Again, there is more risk if you have a urinary infection or std. Urinating inside her vagina should pose no risk to you.

Q: What does a man feel when he enters a woman?

A: The feelings men experience during intercourse vary from man to man.

In the physical realm, some compression of penile tissue and slight friction of the extremely sensitive nerve endings of the skin of the penis is most often the desired effect. The head of the penis is rubbed along the walls of the vagina. Generally speaking, the goal is usually to stimulate the penis to produce an orgasm.

In the psychological realm, feelings of excitement and arousal are common. Other feelings such as love, dominance, and intense pleasure are also often reported. Sexual dysfunction can arise when incongruent feelings come up for men, interfering with their ability to enjoy intercourse.

Since intercourse is such a personal experience, asking different men about it might be a great way to get a variety of uniquely individual responses on the subject.

Q: Hey SFSI, I’ve found your site very helpful already but I have some questions that are more specific about my the first time with my girlfriend. First of all we are both virgins and have decided that we want to lose our virginities to each other so here goes.

Question 1. I hear that when a girl has sex for the first time that it hurts for her. My questions is, is there any way to make our first time less painful for her?

Question 2. Another rumor I hear is that when a guy has sex for the first time he comes very quickly usually resulting in the woman not being satisfied. What would you recommend for me to last longer my first time and to last longer over all?

Question 3. This is my last question and it’s more of an overall question. What are some tips you have for making the first time as special as it can be. And how can I make seeing each other naked for the first time less awkward? Thank you for your time and I know your answers will help me extremely.

A: To answer your first question, yes, some women may find sex painful the first time. This can be caused by taking things too fast and not spending enough time leading up to sex — in this case we are assuming you mean intercourse, also called “penis/vagina” sex. Women’s vaginas create lubrication naturally, which makes sex more comfortable and pleasurable. Most women find they will not be lubricated — or “wet” — until they are excited or turned on. People are turned on by different things, but generally if you both take your time, enjoy touching or kissing or other mutually pleasurable activities — sometimes called foreplay — with each other, you are both likely to get more turned on and she is more likely to get wet.

For your second question, yes, many guys may come (ejaculate) quickly the first time since they are likely to be really excited. There’s no specific amount of time that is “too short” or “too long” for sex and you will figure out what works for you and our partner as you get more experience. Most guys feel excited and nervous about the first time they have sex. So do most girls. You can talk with your girlfriend about your concerns beforehand which is likely to lead to a conversation that can help you both feel more at ease.

And that leads into tips for making the experience more special. Talk to your girlfriend. Be open and honest with her and let her know she can do the same with you. Sex is not a race and it’s not a contest to see who can come first. It’s an experience of sharing intimacy and vulnerability. So have conversations with her and you can figure out what will make the experience meaningful for you both. Regarding the nakedness issue, we recommend going slow. You don’t have to take all your clothes off or even go all the way the first time. You can make out and touch each other, or practice oral sex to get to know each other.

Q: My girlfriend and I both seem share a fetish. She will finger me in the ass, pull her finger out and use that hand to rub my dick, then go down on my dick orally. In the beginning I noticed that she would play with my asshole then make sure she got that hand close to her nose (e.g. She would use that hand to hold my dick while she gave me a blow-job. I could tell this was making her hot, I mean, she really enjoys doing it). That made me so hot I have begun fingering her asshole, pulling out and using it to lubricate her nipples and then suck them clean. I have even caught myself sucking my finger afterwards. I guess the taboo of it all is some kind of driving force behind it. When she catches me doing this it seems to trigger her, and she pulls out the stops and goes for more of it herself.

I read everywhere NOT TO DO THIS. I realize there is a bacteria in the anus that can cause nasty infections, but exactly what kind of infections could we get from doing this? I’m interested in finding out the exact details of what this might cause. Neither of us has experienced any serious side-affects, except one-time I got a sore throat afterwards.

Are we putting ourselves at a serious risk, and if so, what risk?

A: Oral-anal contact and play can be very arousing but does carry some risk because of the presence of bacteria, viruses or parasites on or in the anus or rectum. We’ll list some of the risks below and then give some other information. Please read all the way through (some of the first part may seem a bit intimidating). You’ll notice that when we talk about the risk, we mention fecal contact. If you’re putting fingers in the rectum, bringing them out and rubbing them on body parts, you’re bringing small amounts of feces along. While it may be small amounts, bacteria and viruses are also very small and can be carried along the way.

Here are the STDs that are a risk with oral-anal (fecal) contact:

Hepatitis A, Hepatitis C - Both are diseases of liver and the virus must be present (meaning, you can have oral-fecal contact, but if there is no virus in the anus, there is no risk). Hep A has some pretty clear symptoms and it’s easy to search the web for info. Plus there are treatments and a vaccine for Hep A. Hep C can also present symptoms but at present has no cure or vaccine. The long term danger is liver damage.

E-coli - Her blowing you after having some oral fecal contact can introduce the bacterium Escherichia coli (”E. coli”) into the urethra, causing a urinary tract infection.

Intestinal parasites, amebiasis, cryptosporidium, giardia - these are all organisms that live in feces and can cause various symptoms when introduced into the digestive or blood systems. Some can go almost unnoticed and some are more serious.

Chlamydia, gonorrhea - these are bacterial infections that can live in the anus and rectum and can be passed along.

Human papilloma virus (HPV), genital warts, herpes - viral infections that can live in the anus and rectum and be transmitted.

One thing that is NOT easily transmitted by this form of sex play is HIV.

So now that we’ve given you the list, and it may seem overwhelming, let’s talk about what you are doing and the relative risk.

First, know that folks who carry much of the bacteria, viruses and organisms above can appear perfectly healthy. Many of the bacteria involved are quite benign while in the rectum, but are problematic outside of that environ. If both of you are healthy individuals and have a healthy diet and lifestyle there is less risk of catching one of the serious viruses or parasites. If either of you have wounds or open sores either around your genitals or in your mouth, there is a greater risk of any transmission. What’s the most normal risk? Mundane infections from common bacteria and viruses. Probably like the sore throat you got.

Know that plenty of folks engage in oral-anal contact. “Rimming,” which is licking some-one’s anus (and carries much of the same risk as what you describe) is quite common among certain groups. Most times with healthy folks there are few serious consequences, but there still is a risk. A dental dam or plastic wrap would reduce the risk considerably, but also cut out the smell and taste.