Q: Hey SFSI, I’ve found your site very helpful already but I have some questions that are more specific about my the first time with my girlfriend. First of all we are both virgins and have decided that we want to lose our virginities to each other so here goes.
Question 1. I hear that when a girl has sex for the first time that it hurts for her. My questions is, is there any way to make our first time less painful for her?
Question 2. Another rumor I hear is that when a guy has sex for the first time he comes very quickly usually resulting in the woman not being satisfied. What would you recommend for me to last longer my first time and to last longer over all?
Question 3. This is my last question and it’s more of an overall question. What are some tips you have for making the first time as special as it can be. And how can I make seeing each other naked for the first time less awkward? Thank you for your time and I know your answers will help me extremely.
A: To answer your first question, yes, some women may find sex painful the first time. This can be caused by taking things too fast and not spending enough time leading up to sex — in this case we are assuming you mean intercourse, also called “penis/vagina” sex. Women’s vaginas create lubrication naturally, which makes sex more comfortable and pleasurable. Most women find they will not be lubricated — or “wet” — until they are excited or turned on. People are turned on by different things, but generally if you both take your time, enjoy touching or kissing or other mutually pleasurable activities — sometimes called foreplay — with each other, you are both likely to get more turned on and she is more likely to get wet.
For your second question, yes, many guys may come (ejaculate) quickly the first time since they are likely to be really excited. There’s no specific amount of time that is “too short” or “too long” for sex and you will figure out what works for you and our partner as you get more experience. Most guys feel excited and nervous about the first time they have sex. So do most girls. You can talk with your girlfriend about your concerns beforehand which is likely to lead to a conversation that can help you both feel more at ease.
And that leads into tips for making the experience more special. Talk to your girlfriend. Be open and honest with her and let her know she can do the same with you. Sex is not a race and it’s not a contest to see who can come first. It’s an experience of sharing intimacy and vulnerability. So have conversations with her and you can figure out what will make the experience meaningful for you both. Regarding the nakedness issue, we recommend going slow. You don’t have to take all your clothes off or even go all the way the first time. You can make out and touch each other, or practice oral sex to get to know each other.
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