Q: Well, I’ve been having a problem lately. I’m 18 years old and I’ve had one sexual partner in my life. The problems that I’ve been having involve my erections. I can get fully erect whenever I masturbate or whatnot, but whenever I get with a girl I just cannot get it fully erect. Even when I did have sex with my ex-girlfriend, it was kind of unenjoyable and embarrassing on my behalf because I could not get fully erect.
I started college this fall and I’ve met a pretty great girl. We decided to try to have sex the other night, and those old problems caught up with me again…but it was even worse this time. I could not get erect at all. I was really embarrassed, and I know that she felt like it was her fault so I felt like even worse because of that. But we talked about the situation and everything is okay with me and her and our relationship…I’m just terrified to attempt to try sex with her again for the reason that I might not be able to get hard again.
I’ve read in many places that in my instance it is mainly psychological and I’m suffering anxiety…those both probably ring true. I know I was going through some anxiety the other night! I was just wondering if there are any tips or advice you have for me to get me to calm down and get this problem under control? I just want to have some enjoyable sex!
A: As you say, because you don’t have any problems with erections when you masturbate, it’s likely that what you are experiencing is psychological.It’s possible that with more exposure to sexual situations, you may become more comfortable and no longer experience this issue.Practice sometimes makes perfect, and some guys find that facing their fear in these situations works great.
You might also find that spending some time with your lover naked, getting comfortable, and letting her explore your body in a slow, low-pressure way might be another way to get over it. Take a bath together, light a few candles - what the heck? It’s worth a try! Lots of guys warm up with a little lube or a blowjob. For some, just talking through the feelings as they come up with a lover is enough to move through the block and on to sexual activity. Letting her know that you find her attractive and taking things slow should help.
Finally, you might find that you could use the assistance of a professional counselor to work through whatever is going on for you. If you’d like us to dig up a referral for someone in your area who specializes in these types of issues, let us know! We’d be happy to.
HotKarl | 02-Nov-07 at 4:42 pm | Permalink
A course of something like Viagra can also make a world of difference, just an extra boost until he gets his mojo back.