San Francisco Sex Information

Q: I’m a 44 yr old woman. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer and I had a complete hysterectomy which included complete removal of ovaries, tubes, uterus, and cervix. Luckily, my cancer was caught in Stage I, so the odds are very good that it won’t ever come back and I didn’t have to even have chemo or radiation, so I realize I am very lucky and I am very thankful.

Anyway, I haven’t been in a relationship since my surgery, and I’ve been too embarrassed to ask my doctor about what to expect with sex after this surgery. If I do start dating someone, I think I’m going to be too worried about this issue to ever take it to a more intimate level.

Questions like,
Will it feel the same?
Is my vagina the same size?
What if he’s a large man?
Will it hurt?
What about natural lubrication?

I’m really embarrassed about asking these questions, but until I feel more comfortable about this, I’m afraid I won’t ever have an intimate relationship again.

A: Congrats on beating your cancer. We’re happy to hear that it won’t come back to bother you.

As for your questions, let us answer them in the order you’ve sent them.

Sex will be just fine for you. Your vagina is still the same size. There is no difference whether a man is large or small, and you will not hurt having sex. For some women, lubrication is a problem after surgery. What you can use is water based lubes like Astroglide for easier insertion. Don’t also be afraid to get intimate again. It isn’t going to hurt. To warm up to having sex with a partner again you might try sex with a small dildo (lubricated, while you are aroused) and see how that feels. If it does hurt while having sex, then check with your doctor but otherwise, sex will still be exciting.

Don’t ever be afraid to talk to your doctor about sex. A doctor can help with any physical or hormonal issues you may have since the surgery. They are supposed to be there for you. If your doctor isn’t quite what you want, you can always interview for doctors who will be concerned about your health.

Q: I am a lesbian and my partner is a Big Full Figured Woman. What are some tips for having sex with a big woman? My problem is that she has big lips down there and when I go there it is hard to get to the clit and when I do I cant breathe. I would like any info - website and positions and tricks so that I can please her the way I want.

A: We do have a book for you! There is a book called Big Big Love by Hanne Blank, and it has a great section on sex with your partner. Suggestions from Ms. Blank about sex with a BBW are as follows: “A good position for cunnilingus is with the recipient on all fours, legals spread wide, with their partner kneeling or standing behind them. This pose works particularly well for many people if the lucky recipint of the oral attention kneels on a couch or depending on height of both bed and partner, the edge of a bed. The view when your partner is open in this position can be downright amazing.”

Unfortunately, there aren’t many websites for lesbian women and its quite a shame. We hope that eventually changes.

Last week we completed the Fall 2007 training cycle. Twenty five new fresh faced sex educators are hitting the streets.
The graduation party is Saturday, 8 Dec 2007. If you’re part of the SFSI family and haven’t gotten an invitation, contact Michelle.

The phones have been ringing off the hook due to SFSI getting mentioned on NBC’s “The Today Show”.

Let’s talk about sex
San Francisco Sex Information, 415-989-SFSI
The extensively trained staff at the San Francisco Sex Information help line have been doling out advice about getting down — techniques, fetishes, STDs — since 1972. Volunteers undergo extensive training in all aspects of human sexuality, including reproduction, birth control, safer sex practices, HIV, sexual identity and gender identity. Counseling is also available in Spanish. Their hours are Monday-Thursday 3-9 p.m., Friday 3-7 p.m., Saturday and Sunday 2-6 p.m. PST. They’re confidential and open-minded, but sternly warn that they do not provide phone sex.

MSNBC has the text version.

Q: I am a 24 year old straight male but I like to finger my ass. I want to know if I can get orgasm by finding my G-Spot and if yes can you please avise how do I locate my G-Spot. I mean the posture, number of fingers, body position etc..

A: Lots of men of all sexual orientations enjoy butt play. All men have a prostate gland that many find intensely pleasurable and is sometimes compared to a woman’s G-spot, or sometimes called a P-spot. To locate the prostate gland just insert your finger (using some lube) into your anus and gently probe about 3-4″ deep along the anal wall towards your stomach. You might even consider getting a dildo for yourself. Here is a website where you can buy a nice selection of anal toys.

Many men find that lying flat on their backs on a towel with their knees bent is a good way to start experimenting with anal play. Don’t forget to use plenty of lube! Water-based lube can dry out quickly, so you might have to reapply frequently. Silicone-based lube lasts a lot longer. Both of these types of lube are compatible with latex condoms. You might even consider using a condom on your toy for easier clean-up.

-The SFSI Staff