Q: I’m a 44 yr old woman. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer and I had a complete hysterectomy which included complete removal of ovaries, tubes, uterus, and cervix. Luckily, my cancer was caught in Stage I, so the odds are very good that it won’t ever come back and I didn’t have to even have chemo or radiation, so I realize I am very lucky and I am very thankful.
Anyway, I haven’t been in a relationship since my surgery, and I’ve been too embarrassed to ask my doctor about what to expect with sex after this surgery. If I do start dating someone, I think I’m going to be too worried about this issue to ever take it to a more intimate level.
Questions like,
Will it feel the same?
Is my vagina the same size?
What if he’s a large man?
Will it hurt?
What about natural lubrication?
I’m really embarrassed about asking these questions, but until I feel more comfortable about this, I’m afraid I won’t ever have an intimate relationship again.
A: Congrats on beating your cancer. We’re happy to hear that it won’t come back to bother you.
As for your questions, let us answer them in the order you’ve sent them.
Sex will be just fine for you. Your vagina is still the same size. There is no difference whether a man is large or small, and you will not hurt having sex. For some women, lubrication is a problem after surgery. What you can use is water based lubes like Astroglide for easier insertion. Don’t also be afraid to get intimate again. It isn’t going to hurt. To warm up to having sex with a partner again you might try sex with a small dildo (lubricated, while you are aroused) and see how that feels. If it does hurt while having sex, then check with your doctor but otherwise, sex will still be exciting.
Don’t ever be afraid to talk to your doctor about sex. A doctor can help with any physical or hormonal issues you may have since the surgery. They are supposed to be there for you. If your doctor isn’t quite what you want, you can always interview for doctors who will be concerned about your health.
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I feel I must add to this answer. My mom had a full hysterectomy about 5 years ago. Although sex did not hurt her, she found she was no longer able to have orgasms of an intensity remotely near her pre-surgery orgasms. She became very involved with an organization called H.E.R.S. (Hysterectomy Education Research & Support. . .). She found a lot of useful information about sex, and support of all kinds. Good luck,
Pauli
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