Q: I have two unrelated questions:
1. I have been told (by a physician’s assistant, when I told her I know I have a clitoris but have never seen it) that I have something called an “embedded clitoris.” What exactly is that?
2. I recently purchased a vibrator/dildo. I picked one of the smaller ones, because I know I’m rather tight, and it’s been quite some time since anything live or inanimate has been in there. Even so – and although I’m relaxed, aroused, and lubed – I can’t get the damn thing in. There appears to be a tight band of tissue just at the entrance (on the hind side rather than the front side) that I believe is what is cut during an episiotomy during childbirth. (I’m not a virgin, so it’s not a hymen, which is further in, anyway.) Do you folks have any advice? I vaguely remember something about pregnant women being advised to massage the – perineum? – before childbirth because it would help it to stretch so that an episiotomy would be unnecessary. I wonder if this would work … and if so, how much of it needs to be done before it starts to stretch a little. Any advice would be appreciated.
A: An “embedded clitoris” is one that is deeper inside the body than the average clitoris. This can mean that your clitoral hood – the little flap of skin that covers up the sensitive head of the clitoris – is a little bigger, and that the tip of your clitoris is not as prominent as in other women. Some women who have this may have a more difficult time reaching orgasm from clitoral stimulation. When searching for this term online, most of the information we were able to find was about female circumcision, which is a pretty drastic measure to expose more of the clitoris itself. We have found one trustworthy resource that discusses one woman’s embedded clitoris at Betty Dodson’s website. She discusses how she has to stimulate herself so that her clitoris is more accessible.
You mentioned perineum massage, which may help you to be able to insert the dildo you bought. Massage would probably be the best first step to help you get the toy inside. If this is unsuccessful, there are some dilators available on the market as well for women who have difficulty inserting objects into their vaginas. See vaginismus.com for more info. These are basically just dildos of varying sizes, so you can achieve the same results by just starting with very small toys and gradually inserting them. If you cannot insert anything – not a finger, a toy, or a tampon – you may also want to talk to your health care provider about the tight band of tissue. There may be surgical or medical treatments that can help this problem.