Q: Hi I’m 25 and trying to have sex for the first time. My girlfriend told me she was ready to have sex after we had been having foreplay for about an hour. When I put on a condom and tried to penetrate her I wasn’t hard enough. After more foreplay I got less hard instead of more hard and we couldn’t have sex.
I’m worried about what will happen the next time we try to have sex. Could having had foreplay for so long have made me loose my erection? Is there something else that could have made me loose my erection?
A: As you say, it is possible that your body “gave up” on the possibility of having sex, and shut down your erection to save energy, so to speak.
Many men report that a quick blow job from their partner revives their erection nicely, so that they can have intercourse. Other men report that other kinds of licking, touching, caressing, or holding in various areas do the trick: nipples, butt, lower abdomen, inner thighs. You might ask your girlfriend to kiss and touch your body a bit to help you get in the mood.
The most important thing is not to lose your confidence. The brain is often said to be the most important sexual organ! You might play with having your partner tell you in that moment that she really wants to feel you inside of her. That works for a lot of guys. Along these same lines, when it’s time for intercourse, it might help for you to imagine what it will be like to have sex, and realize that you’re about to do exactly that; then you might get really turned on by your fantasy coming true, and have a massive erection.
There are a variety of condoms available in various shapes and sizes. It helps to find ones that work the best for you. If the condom is too snug, it can definitely interfere with an erection. Condom Depot is a great online shop that lets you search by condom style and size. They have diagrams and dimensions listed for each condom, and condom samplers, so that you can find the best fit for your penis. Also check out the ones with flared bases and/or extra head room like Pleasure Plus, Durex Love, or Inspiral – lots of guys use these for the same reasons you’re talking about. Others, like Durex Enhanced Pleasure have extra silky lube and a baseball-bat shape, if that works better for your penis. Some, like Crown Skinless Skin, are so thin you’ll barely notice they’re on at all.
You might want to try masturbating with various condoms first to find the one that feels the best to you, and get used to it, so that when it’s time for intercourse, you’ll be ready for action!
One last idea is to put just a drop or two of water-based lube on the tip of your penis before rolling on any condom. This helps the most sensitive part of your penis around the head get more sensation while the condom is on. Take care not to put on too much lube or the condom may slip off entirely!
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