San Francisco Sex Information

Q: My question is about penis length. I have heard that there are actually people who cannot have intercourse because their penis length is too small. I was wondering what length that was, do you know? I heard the average erect length for a penis is 5.3 inches (race does come into the equation).

My penis length when erect has been as small as 3 inches and on occasion 4 inches. I would say the average length when erect is only 3.25-3.50 inches. Therefore, since my penis is about 2 inches shorter than the average erect penis size, is my penis too small for intercourse?

Second question is, since I am about 20-25 pounds overweight, will that stop me from having great sex as well (no positions possible with my penis length)? Finally, will I not be able to procreate now since my semen may not be able to ejaculate in a woman’s vagina?
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Q: My partner of two years had HPV. We have just ended the relationship. He recently read about elevated incident of throat cancer in relation to HPV. We could not tell if that was for partners. We engaged in unprotected oral sex — he receiving.

I recently had a normal pap smear, which included HPV testing. We rarely engaged in penile/vaginal sex, and only once (accidentally) without a condom. My primary exposure to his HPV was oral.

I have no health insurance, so I am being judicious about this — is it indicated I should go for testing of my throat? What is the name of the test I want?

A: The research on HPV is very new so there is a lot of information and studies that are still missing. What we do know is that cancer is only caused by a few of the hundreds of possible strains of HPV. A doctor or dentist can do a visual test to see if there are any HPV lesions in your throat. We recommend regular visits to the dentist because they are trained to detect any abnormalities in the mouth and throat, including those from sexually transmitted diseases. At this time there are only visual tests for HPV in the throat, and it is difficult to detect if there are no lesions present.

For more information on HPV you can call the American Social Health Association (ASHA) at 1 (800) 227-8922 Monday through Friday from 9am to 6pm EST or The Center for Disease Control’s STD 24 hour hotline at 1(800) 342-2437.

Q: My 14 year-old son has discovered the joy of masturbating (how do I know? He is in the bathroom more than any other room of the house these days). All is normal. But I have found that he is perusing the porn sites on his computer. Taking away his computer does not seem to be the answer, in my mind (but maybe I’m wrong). I have talked with him about healthy sex and the potential harm of porn to men and women.

Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe I am on the right track. I would like your suggestions on how to deal with this subject in this day and age. My instinct is to put a couple of Tantric books around for him to find. Something that shows the integrity and beauty of sex.

I could really use some wisdom that will not preach some odd morals that want to convince my 14 year-old that he should be sexually numb until he reaches 21.

P.S. Also a concern of mine - how much can a mother talk to her son about sex before it gets weird?

A: Most teenage boys are masturbating as often as your son, and yes, all is normal. The fact that he’s looking at Internet porn is also very common, as it is easy to get and free. Many teens and people of all ages watch porn to masturbate, and there is no evidence of a negative effect. Porn plays into the fantasy realm of sexuality, and talking to your son about the realistic (or as you said, healthy) kinds of sex is a good way to communicate that sex in real life often does not replicate porn. Planting Kama Sutra books in places he may find is a great idea, as it might show him a more spiritual variation of sexuality, however, it might not replace his Internet porn use.

You may want to have one more conversation about masturbation with him to let him know the activity is ok and the fantasies are just that. Letting him know that porn is not the standard of how most people engage in sex might calm your fears that porn is going to be harmful to him. If the fear is that he will eventually treat women the way that porn stars are treated you can let him know that nearly everything in porn is planned out and much of it is fake. More conversations than that may become awkward. Do let him know you are available if he has questions. Also, point him at the Scarleteen website for sex information. It’s a good site for teens.

Q: My 16 year old niece thinks she may be male at heart. This young woman was adopted and has lived with my sister most of her life. My niece has had blood work and a pelvic ultrasound done and they are speaking to a specialist today about starting testosterone shots.

Questions:
1. Are body altering hormone treatments recommended at such a young age?
2. What would be the effects of testosterone shots?

Both sister and niece seems to feel this is a way to have her “fit in” better socially, but I disagree and am very concerned.

A: There is something known as the “Harry Benjamin Standards of Care” for people who wish to undergo sex reassignment. You can read more about them on the University of Minnesota site Under the Standards of Care, the treatment of adolescents is usually not done until age 18. This is because by this age, most adolescents are done with puberty and the hormone treatments will interfere less with their development. It does mention some cases in which hormones may be started earlier, usually at age 16. You can read in this document about the criteria doctors use when deciding whether a particular person is a good candidate to begin hormone therapy before age 18.

Shots given in this instance would have a few different effects: the first sets of hormones given suppress the menstrual cycle, then after some time taking these hormones, testosterone shots would be given. These shots have effects very similar to male puberty: deepening of the voice, growth of facial and body hair, increase in muscle mass, and development of other masculine characteristics.

We hear you are concerned about your niece; you may want to ask her as well as her doctor about the Standards of Care and how they are following them. You may also want to look at some resources about transgender issues. We would recommend Trans-health and TransGenderCare.