Q: My girlfriend and I have decided to have anal sex. Do you have any tips? We’re supposed to use lube right ? How do we prepare ourselves?
A: Here are a few tips for making anal sex enjoyable:
1. Let your girlfriend call the shots! The more comfortable she is, they more likely she will enjoy it. Check in frequently with her to see how she is feeling. Many people give up on anal sex because their partner wasn’t sensitive.
2. Use plenty of lubrication. Water-based lube is readily available at most drug stores, and is compatible with latex condoms. Because the rectum is designed to absorb water at the last stage of digestion, you will almost certainly have to reapply frequently. Also available and compatible with latex condoms is silicone-based lube, which lasts a lot longer, and many people do prefer it for anal sex.
3. Consider using a condom. There are many STDs that can be transmitted via anal sex, and it makes clean-up a snap! Speaking of which, many people do prefer to take an enema before receiving anal sex.
4. Start small and size up. You might want to consider lubing her up and slowly inserting one finger, then as she becomes comfortable with that, two fingers, and so on until she is ready for your penis. Going slowly makes the process of opening up the anal muscles more enjoyable, and helps your partner relax into the experience.
5. You may want to try stimulating your partner’s clitoris, vagina, or anything else that she finds arousing before, during, and after anal. The more aroused she is, the better the experience will probably be for her, and the more likely she will be to try it again.
6. Help her relax. Many people find that setting the mood helps a lot: Plenty of room, quiet music, soft lighting, etc. You might want to consider using a dark colored towel or sheets for the occasion so you don’t have to worry about stains. One position a lot of people enjoy for their first time is lying flat on their backs with knees bent - this can help to relax the back, abdomen, and muscles of the pelvic girdle surrounding the anus.
7. When finally inserting your penis, go very slowly. The rectum is a lot more fragile than the vagina, and the sensations are different. The nerves in the rectum mostly register a feeling of fullness, so the initial penetration is likely to be the most intense. Inserting the penis almost in slow-motion can help you both make the most of this initial penetration. Depending on your penis and her colon, you may not be able to insert your penis all the way. If you feel like you’ve hit a wall, you probably have hit the wall of the colon as it bends at the end of the rectum. This length can vary considerably from person to person. Once inserting your penis to the maximum depth that’s comfortable, just stay there for a minute or two, letting her body adjust. Then you can start moving in and out, again in slow motion, until you get a feel for how fast she might most enjoy.
8. Anal sex should not hurt. If there is any pain, discontinue. Again, the rectal lining is very fragile, so there is often a small amount of blood. However, if there is pain or more blood than a little spotting, a quick trip to the emergency room would be a good idea.
You can find more answers to this and many others on our FAQ.
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