Q: I would like to know if you could help me overcome an unusual fetish that I have.
My fetish’s accepted name is been Wet and Messy fetish. It is featured on sex websites that I’ve been visiting since I got the Internet at age 13. Now I’ve been to many sites seeing how I can stop this fetish of mine. It’s one that I no longer want to practice with my partners because I feel it damages the relationship a bit. Personally, I cannot stop watching videos containing females getting, slimed, pied, food fights and so on. I feel maybe it seemed from the extensive amounts of Nickelodeon that I watched as a kid. Regardless that is not helping me solve the problem…
Recently, I’ve been visiting pay sites and various videos on YouTube, not necessarily sexually related, just ones featuring women. I watch them any chance I can get. As far as the pay sites, I have spent over 300 dollars on videos that I’ve in turn deleted in hopes of curtailing by viewing.
Interestingly enough, I have had partners that have partaken and enjoyed this with me, however I feel it is costly and I’m starting to have to conserve food as it is because expenses are getting tight.
Can you help?
A: It sounds like your fetish is a lovely interest that is causing you some discomfort in your life, via financial matters. We can certainly suggest some strategies for you to approach your situation, although we cannot help you to overcome it per se.
It seems like you are ok with the fetish itself, but worried about how much money or time it is taking out to engage in it. Perhaps you are also worried about the lack of control or obsession that is taking over your life. So, you would like to scale down on your fascination with your fetish.
Of course, the first thing we can recommend is – try to minimize your spending and video watching. Learn what your triggers are, learn how to cope with your obsessions and impulsive behavior. Change your routine or dedicate only certain hours of the day, or certain days, to engage in your fetish, thus adding an element of structure to the affair.
If you have troubles withdrawing by yourself, you can try to attend Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous , or other support groups, to learn how other people cope with their addictive behaviors. The plus of going to a 12 step group is that it’s a non judgmental supportive community, and it is a common thing for people to call each other when they feel triggered to engage in the behavior that they try to reduce.
You could also try to find an affordable therapist who specializes in sex education. AASECT is a national association of sex therapists who might give you a referral for a practitioner in your area.
There is a high chance that if you try to place personal ads on www.craigslist.org or personal papers there will be a willing soul or two to engage in your fetish with you. This will reduce your spending on videos, and will also take it outside the context of long term relationships.
We hope that these suggestions are helpful.