Q: I sometimes wonder if I am normal. I am horny all the time and cannot help day dreaming about women I meet and or casually view. Which is ironic, because when I was a teenager my friends would say check out that babe and I just did not get it. Now in my fifties I cannot help checking them out. Moreover, I masturbate more now than ever some times up to four times in a day.
After three long term relationships one which included 15 years of marriage I don’t want another relationship, because all the partners I have met have trouble keeping up with my libido. And when the sex stops I want out. Am I just immature or am I suffering from OCD?
I heard about this new or old therapy called Tantric massage which I assume is aimed at approaching sex from a spiritual perspective allowing one to focus on pleasing ones partner instead pleasing ones self. Don’t get me wrong I was into giving my partners massages, showering them with gifts, romance (writing poems) and ensuring they had a great time or at least pretended to. I wonder is Tantra real or is it just an excuse to make 200 bucks per hour for a massage?
A: Most people wonder if they are normal from time to time. This seems to be a feature of being human. Different people have different sex drives. Some people do report they have a high sex drive such as yours. And as you point out, libido can ebb and flow over the lifespan.
In most relationships there is a “honeymoon period” of six months to two years, after which time the sex quiets down a bit and people make a decision to either accept that or move on. Sounds like you’re no longer interested in accepting less sex in your relationships.
Many people desire a single big “R” long-term relationship, while others find that they prefer to meet their sexual needs with more casual relationships. Still others find ways to have both long-term relationships and casual sex partners at the same time. Open relationships, polyamory, and swinging are three examples of how some folks work this out.
Regarding your questions about OCD or possible “insanity,” you might want to consider consulting with a licensed psychotherapist for a professional diagnosis. We can’t really answer that for you.
Opinions about Tantra do vary widely. While as you say some do see it as a way to make 200 bucks per hour for a “sensual massage,” adherents of Tantra would likely say that it is a highly spiritual and comprehensive way of being in the world, which includes sexuality. Tantric sex study is a small part of the larger Tantra philosophy.
You might find that connecting with the Tantra community would provide you with what you seem to seek: a way to meet a variety of new sex partners who approach what some would consider to be casual sex with spiritual reverence and a sense of loving kindness. Works for some, not for others. The only way to find out would be to investigate further.
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