San Francisco Sex Information

Q: My partner doesn’t like to have sex doggy style but I love it. Nevertheless, she is always complaining that it hurts. Is it possible for a girl to be in pain when fucked doggy, or does she just say so because she doesn’t like the position?

A: It is entirely possible (and relatively common) for “doggy style” intercourse to be painful for a woman, due to the fact that it allows for a deeper penetration into her vagina than other sexual positions.

If your partner is willing to experiment, here are a few things that the two of you can try to make the position less painful for her:

*Try not to penetrate her all the way. If it’s the depth of your penis in her vagina that is hurting her, you can keep your hand around the base of your penis during intercourse so that it doesn’t go in as deep.
* Use lubricant if you are not doing so already. This will ease some of the friction that the position creates.
*Start slowly, so that the sex is not jarring to her (fast speeds can be painful and unsatisfying for many women), and communicate with her throughout the sex about what feels good to her and what does not.

Q: My question is is it normal to fantasize before/during masturbation? I was taught that while it is not wrong to masturbate, it is wrong to have lustful thoughts. But I can not help myself! I MUST fantasize prior to and during masturbation in order to reach orgasm. I can’t just focus on the sensations. Is that normal and healthy? I don’t see how having thoughts can be wrong. After all, thoughts and actions are two different things right? So even having what some would consider a taboo fantasy (like thinking about being raped or forcing yourself on someone else) is okay as long as you don’t act on it right?

A: Almost all people fantasize before or during masturbation; many people fantasize during sex with a partner as well. Most people would find it difficult to reach orgasm without entertaining some sexual thoughts. The thoughts many people have can include a variety of sexual activities that may not be activities they are comfortable with engaging in in their actual lives. You’re exactly right; thoughts and actions are separate things, and no one can be harmed by your thoughts.

As far as your question about taboo fantasies, only you can answer for yourself whether acting on something is OK or not. Some people act on taboo fantasies consensually, and others just keep them internal.

Q: I am a lesbian in my late-20s. It’s been 12 years since I was introduced to the first fetish of my life i.e Ass Play. Gradually I’ve got more nasty and dirty. I feel weird when I say am into shit play but it gives me immense pleasure and a heavy orgasm. Am only into rubbing and watching it come out in the mirror nothing else. Do you think am sick? Or is it normal? I rub it only on my breasts and ass but one thought really excites me, is it safe if i rub it on my pussy?

A: While shit play (a.k.a. copraphilia) may not be the most common fetish, there are certainly other people who enjoy it, and there is nothing wrong with it as long as you are being safe, sane, and consensual if you play with any partners.

However, we recommend that you don’t rub it on your pussy. Fecal matter contains many different types of bacteria and microorganisms which cause vaginal infections. You might consider using some type of protective barrier, such as a dental dam or saran wrap.