San Francisco Sex Information

Q: I started having sex about 6 months ago, and every time I have it I cannot feel anything. It’s supposed to feel good right? The only thing I can feel is him in me, it doesn’t feel good. Even when he fingers me, it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t stimulate me at all. Is there something wrong with me?

Last week I had unprotected sex, one week before my period (I should get it this week) If there is a chance I may become pregnant, would I still get my period and still may be pregnant, even though I’m on birth control?

A: The good news is that there is nothing wrong with you. Different women like different sorts of stimulation.

Make sure that you’re properly turned on before trying penetration. Your body probably won’t respond to penetration if you don’t work up to it first–kissing, groping, finger play, oral sex (giving and receiving). Some people like to use additional lubrication (that can be purchased at the drug store). This will reduce friction and, perhaps, enhance penetration for you.

Many women do find penetration with fingers or a penis to be pleasurable. However, most women need additional stimulation of the clitoris in order for sex to feel good to them. If intercourse and penetration aren’t satisfying you, try using fingers (your own or your partner’s) to stimulate your clitoris. Oral sex can also feel great on a clitoris. If you’re interested in experimenting a bit, consider using a vibrator.

The most important thing you can do to improve the sex you’re having, though, is to communicate with your partner. Talk about what does and doesn’t feel good to you. And if you’re not enjoying what you’re doing, remember that you can always stop!

As for your questions regarding pregnancy, as long as you’re correctly using your birth control, the chances of pregnancy occurring are very small. If unprotected sex causes you to feel anxious about pregnancy, it’s probably best to use a condom every time you have sex. This will also better protect you against STDs. Please check out our pages with pregnancy information.

Be sure to stop by our beer booth at the Folsom Street Fair on Sunday, September 28, 2008!

The beer booth is one of our regular fund-raising efforts and a great way to help out the organization while you’re at the Fair. We have had tons of fun the last three years slinging beverages. Like all San Francisco Sex Information events the booth is staffed entirely by volunteers. Come help us make this year the best so far!

The booth is located at the NE end of the Fair, near the 7th Street stage. We’ll be the first beer booth you see if you’re coming from 7th Street. Grab a beer before heading over to the live music, or on your way down the main drag.

Learn more about the Folsom Street Fair.

Q: I’d like to know more about certain aspects of BDSM. What is a “silent alarm”? How do I know what I like and don’t like? How can I discuss it with a dominant man? Thanks.

A: A “silent alarm” is a system you put in place to have a trusted friend or somebody else in the BDSM community acting as your back up safety person when you are playing or in a scene, especially when you are playing with new people. Sometimes it’s also called a “safe call”. This silent alarm person would know who you will be with, where you are going, and what your basic plans will be. Sometimes, plans are made to have you check in with your “silent alarm,” or have them call you, and they may call the police or investigate further if you do not call or answer the phone at the pre-decided time. Other times, this person will respond only if you call and ask for help.

An important way to ensure your safety and comfort when engaging in BDSM play is to have a safe word. This word will communicate to your partner what your degree of comfort or discomfort is with what you are doing. It helps to pick a word or words that you do not use regularly so that you don’t accidentally blurt them out and cause confusion. The colors of the stop light are a good place to start: Green means keep going, yellow means use a little caution, and red means stop.
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Q: I am 22 and ever since the first time I had sex I have been bad. Well, I suppose you could say I ejaculate prematurely. It is extremely premature however. We are talking before my pants come off. I don’t know how to stop it. I try to practice when I masturbate but I can never hold it for long. And then when I am with a girl it is just intensified. If I am pleasing her it is as if I can feel her pleasure and sexual energy and I lose control. I am so embarrassed by it that I usually don’t tell her. Sometimes I can get hard again and then I’ll have some success, but the more I like the girl the less success I usually have, which let me tell you, really sucks.

When I was much younger, around 8, a friend and I…played with each other, orally. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it or not, making my nerves supersensitive. This habit of mine however seriously impairs my ability to have a relationship. I have never been able to make a girl come from intercourse. I don’t see how I can have a healthy sexual relationship when I come so quickly. Sometimes I can go 3 or 4 times in a row, but by then it has lost most of its luster, and regardless, this only really happens after I get to know the girl. Do you have any suggestions? I feel like this is both a physical and psychological problem.
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Q: Hi, I am a woman with a furry butt, and I’m embarrassed about it. Is it safe to shave the butt crack area, or is there some better way to remove hair there?

A: Thank you for you question. Many people have a variety of thickness of hair growth on different parts of their body. Some people and their partners enjoy varying degrees of hair growth on their bodies while others do not. If you wish to remove the body hair around your butt or in your butt crack shaving is an option.

You seem concerned since this is a sensitive area that shaving might hurt you. Besides shaving waxing is also an option. You can try to wax it yourself or have a professional do it. We would recommend avoiding though using chemical depilatories such as Nair. The chemicals in chemical depilatories might irritate your anus and the surrounding areas.