San Francisco Sex Information

Q: I’ve heard it is possible to avoid the 1-minute wonder effect (that virgin males are infamous for) by getting a blow job before trying the big event. Is is possible to get another erection so early? I’m worried I will not have it in me for the actual deed.

A: First times can be a lot of pressure and stress. For most men having one orgasm by masturbation or oral sex allows them to keep a second erection for a longer period of time. Most men need 10-15 minutes before getting a second erection. Remember, if you do cum once and would like to get another erection there are many activities you can do for and with your partner while you’re waiting to get hard - like oral sex for them or other stimulation.

We recommend that if you know you’re going to have sex in the evening, plan to have an orgasm in the afternoon. That way you’ll be less sensitive for your sexual date and you won’t have to depend on oral sex before intercourse. It will take some of the pressure off.

Q: My partner had a positive pap smear (for HPV). We are in our late 40s/early 50s. We swing, and we’ve had sex with a lot of people, but we almost always use condoms. Should we tell our other sexual partners? If we do, how far back should we go? What are the risks of transmitting it if we have sex with other people?

A: Condoms can greatly reduce the chance of transmission, but HPV can occur on skin surfaces in the genital regions not covered by a condom. Of the more than 100 types of HPV about 30 are sexually transmitted and only two are linked to cervical cancer.

An estimated 5.5 million new HPV infections occur each year in the US, accounting for about a third of all STD transmission. It’s a very communicable STD.

Recent studies show that about 70% of infected females will clear the infection in 12 months and 90% will clear within 2 years. The incubation period for the virus is 2 to 3 months. Many or most men may carry the virus and never present with symptoms.

With all that said - telling your other sexual partners is a good idea, if for nothing else to make sure the females in the group have their regular pap smears. The cervical cancer associated with HPV is very slow to develop and regular pap smears can lead to successful early intervention. How far back to go? Theoretically in a perfectly safe world, up to two years. Practically, probably less time. One thing we do find is that it’s quite common for men and women who practice swinging or open sexual relationships to go for regular check up or STD testing.

The good news is that there is not as much of a stigma attached to this virus because it’s quite common. It’s quite likely 25 million or more folks in the US currently have HPV.

Here is a great resource with info on HPV. We use the site’s invormation while we work here at SFSI.

Q: I feel insecure because my shorter boyfriend likes to look at “young,” “teen,” and “petite” porn. As a 5′10″ woman in her 30s, these are fantasies I can obviously not satisfy. Do I have reason to worry? If not, what do you suggest I do to overcome this insecurity?

A: Many people enjoy watching porn that involves sex that they are not necessarily interested in, and porn definitely falls within the fantasy realm. Some straight men will even watch gay porn even though they do not want that type of sex for themselves. You do not have reason to worry, because since your boyfriend is with you, then you are the type of woman that he is attracted to and wants to have sex with.

We would suggest checking out porn selections for yourself and exploring the different kinds of porn available that glorify women that are similar to yourself. This could help you with any insecurities because you will see tall women/ women in their 30s in sexy situations, etc. If you bring home a porn selection that you want to watch with your boyfriend, he will probably be happy to join you.

Here are a couple links to give you some ideas:

Violet Blue’s Smart Porn

The Goodvibes video selection

Q: I am considering trying escort/sex work, and I’m not sure where to start. A good friend of mine is doing a great job of working for herself through online ad sites, while maintaining safety and sex-positivity. I’m not sure if I should gain experience through an agency first, or if any safer, sex-positive ones even exist. Please help.

A: Thanks for your question! A good way to start is simply by getting involved with some online sex work communities. These communities will allow you to get more of a “feel” for the industry, and may even help you decide whether the online ad website or agency route is right for you. There are obvious advantages to both ways (online = autonomy, keeping everything you earn; agency= safety in numbers, instant community), but the choice will ultimately depend upon what is right for your
personal needs.

We don’t know offhand of any sex-positive agencies, but other sex workers (who can be found in the forums) will likely be able to. We think you’ll find that many of these groups are definitely feminist and sex-positive:

Sex Workers Outreach Project - sex worker community, blogs, news, etc.

Prostitutes’ Education Network. - Scroll all the way down. There are TONS of links by sex workers, for and about the industry.

MyPinkbook.com - A lengthy forum with resources and tips.

Hopefully this is helpful!