Q: I have a spanking fetish, and I desperately want to overcome it. I am not entirely sure what the fetish is caused by, but I have always fantasized about it for as long as I can remember – probably since I was about three years old. (Seriously.) I am a self-confident person, but this is my Achilles heel, a secret that makes me feel shameful and repressed.
Of course I want to act upon my desire, but my desire to be wholly normal – and confident in my sexuality, I think – is stronger. I am white, and I’ve noticed that my fetish is really only common in other white people. My boyfriend is not white and not kinky. I love him and I don’t want to make him feel estranged.
Please do not try to reassure me that my fetish is normal or okay. I really want it gone. I would greatly appreciate any advice or insight you can give me.
A: Thank you for your very interesting question. As you have specifically requested, we will not reassure you that your fetish is normal or okay, as it obviously is not for you. We can say that it is very normal not to be comfortable or okay with your fetishes. In fact, a big part of the attraction to most fetishes is that they are taboo in the first place and that adds to the excitement of acting them out.
As a source of information related to sex we are often asked questions about all varieties of fetishes but usually we are asked for resources for the questioner who wants to delve deeper into their particular fetish. In your case there is not much that we can tell you unless you want to learn more about the fetish of spanking to see what it is about this fetish that you find troubling.
If on the other hand you simply want to overcome this fetish that would be a task we would defer to professional counselors or therapist who specialize in CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) or other therapies that are designed to help people overcome behaviors or aspects of their characters they wish to change.
In case you want take this route and would like some referrals we suggest you might try AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) at www.aasect.org.
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