Q: How do I communicate with my partner about spanking? I want to try it with him, but I don’t know how to bring up BDSM topics with sexual partners.
A: There are several ways you can bring up the topic. For instance, it might be helpful to playfully bring up the subject during a neutral conversation moment so not to put pressure on him during your time being sexual. You could say something like, “Sweetie, let’s talk about sex and ways we can maybe spice things up.” Or, you could ask him if he has any sexual fantasies that he would be willing to share with you to get a sense of whether this might be something he is interested in and hasn’t known how to bring it up with you. Even if he doesn’t have that specific fantasy, it would be a good lead in for you to share about having a fantasy about spanking.
As another alternative, you could rent a movie containing the subject (“The Secretary” is a good Hollywood movie) and have a discussion about it afterwards, asking your partner what he thought, and if he might want to try something like that.
There are also plenty of rentable adult films that deal with spanking. You can look online at places like bluedoor.com (kind of like a Netflix for porn). And there are instructional type videos such as “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Spanking,” and other DVDs on Amazon.com (search for “spanking DVDs”).
In looking around on the web, here’s an interesting blog about spanking. Perhaps you can share some of this with him, or make it a topic of discussion.
There is another article about men spanking women written by Dr. Victoria Zdrok that you might show him if you are interested in him spanking you. If you are interested in spanking him, you might want to both check out Spank Your Man.
If he is interested in the spanking, you might want to take it slowly with the spanker spanking the spankee’s bottom and the spankee saying a number between 1 and 10 to communicate intensity. That way, the spanker can get a sense of connecting how s/he swats with the spankee’s experience.
Good luck!
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