Q: I am struggling with something. I consider myself a straight male. I only ever catch myself looking at women, and quite frequently at that. I find, though, that I have a hard time keeping hard in regular sex. I didn’t really have successful sex until about three years ago, partially due to confidence but I also think that there is a part of me that just isn’t quite as intrigued by regular vaginal sex. I have watched porn for a long time and have gravitated to anal and transsexual porn. I only want to watch beautiful women, whether they be actual women or trannys, and like to see the men give it and take it from them. I also have secretly enjoyed dressing as a woman when I masturbate. It’s a purely sexual thing, I don’t identify as a woman at all. I’m okay with this for the most part.
Eventually I might share all this with my wife/girlfriend but there in lies the problem. I am a good looking guy and I get a fair amount of attention from women, and I really want to take advantage of it. I want to be able to frivolously have sex with a woman without having to do her in the ass, have her do me in the ass, or have me dressed as a woman. I want to be able to turn myself on more by traditional penis in vagina sex. I fear this is going to impede my hunt for finding the right girl for me as I have to have this giant disclaimer first. I am seriously fine with having these desires stored in me and will use them when I feel comfortable with bringing them out, but what I want most is to be able to just date and have sex with regular women and still feel satisfied. Any help would be great.
A: Here are a few suggestions:
- Find some penis-vagina porn that turns you on and excites you. If you do this, you could save this in your memory bank to use for masturbation or while having sex and it can be exciting rather than just that thing that doesn’t turn you on.
- Do not masturbate a few days prior to having sex. This can help you maintain an erection for a longer period of time. Using a cock-ring could work too since it restricts blood flow to the penis and keeps the erection harder longer. We recommend one made of rubber, velcro or one that snaps so that it is easy to remove if you need to.
- Try using a different method for penis-vagina sex by giving a hand-job, blow-job or using a sex toy.
- Find like-minded people on websites, like alt.com or okcupid.com, who are interested in anal sex, even anal and transsexual porn.
Sometimes sex is just about having sex. It doesn’t necessarily mean having perfect sex all the time. Every sexual experience does not need to be a perfect 10. If you walk into a potential sexual experience knowing that it can be good, but not necessarily great, it might help you to feel more comfortable and aroused by the activities that you do end up having. You can definitely be OK and satisfied with having “regular” sex, but it is something that might not ever be equally enjoyable to you as some of the other activities you engage in.
Some women are into anal sex too. Other women may not be into penis-vagina sex at all. There are all sorts of potential partners out there!
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