Q: I’ve never had an orgasm. I’ve tried masturbation, and what I try that isn’t painful, is ineffective. The only two times I’ve had sex have been very painful and not enjoyable. I’ve had oral sex with a couple of guys and nothing has made me climax. I’m thinking that much of it could be psychological. I felt ashamed after a guy has given me oral sex. I’ve had weight and body image issues for a long time, and have always refused to have sex while being overweight. But I still have always been afraid that there is something anatomically or psychically wrong with me.
A: You said that you have tried masturbating, which is a really good way to find out what feels good and what doesn’t. What kind of techniques are you using? Have you tried using lubrication? A lot of people find clitoral stimulation can be really pleasing, directly or indirectly (touching or rubbing it with your hand and some lube, rubbing that general area with a soft object, or using a vibrator or shower massager). Many people especially find it easy to climax using a vibrator. You could also try a back massager, which can be found at any pharmacy or drugstore.
It can be helpful to experiment on your own to see what you may like, and then later try it out with a partner. Make sure that you talk to your partner before and during sex, and don’t be afraid to tell them if something feels good or bad. Also, be sure to go slowly and use enough lube. Lubrication can make a huge difference in how pleasurable sex may feel.
Keep in mind that not everyone enjoys oral sex, and people’s tastes and preferences definitely vary. It doesn’t hurt to try, but don’t get discouraged if you’re not loving the sensations.
Lastly, it’s probably a good idea to go to your doctor for an annual exam. They can make sure that everything is working just fine, and answer any other questions you may have.
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