Q: I am an 18 year old straight male with a spandex fetish looking to overcome it. I have always been turned on by people in spandex and by wearing spandex itself. I have no idea what started it, I have always been turned on by it. I secretly wear my mom’s tights when no one is home, and have a huge urge to show off wearing them. A few times I even put them on and rode a bike through the neighborhood, wearing a helmet and sunglasses (so no one would recognize me). It is a very embarrassing fetish and I often feel guilty and shameful about it. I have a girlfriend who I am turned on by, but I feel as if spandex turns me on even more than she can. That’s a terrible terrible feeling. I don’t know what to do but I know I want to overcome this fetish terribly.
A: Many people have fetishes similar to yours. Some people feel embarrassed by them and seek help, and others learn to live with their fetish or even embrace it by joining a community of like-minded people.
You may choose to incorporate your fetish into your sex life with your girlfriend. Fortunately for you, the wearing of spandex is socially acceptable, especially for workout clothing. Your anxiety about your girlfriend’s reaction may be much worse than her actual reaction would be. You may be able to incorporate your fetish into your sex life in a limited way that both of you would be comfortable with.
There is a book called When Someone You Love is Kinky, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt that might be useful in explaining your fetish to your girlfriend.
It sounds like you are concerned about the way your fetish is expressed, such as your desire to show it off. A sex therapist may be able to help you to overcome these tendencies so you can keep it a private matter. Eliminating a fetish altogether is quite difficult. There is usually more success in limiting the expression of the fetish. For example, wearing only a small amount of spandex or only wearing it once a week may be acceptable to you and your girlfriend.
There is more information on finding a sex therapist and what sex therapists do on the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists website.
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