Q: My penis has too much girth. Erect, it’s a little less than 6 inches in circumference, but none of my girlfriends has ever been comfortable with it. Especially now that my current partner has had menopause. I’m wondering if there’s a special condom that restricts circumference but not length. I expect not, but perhaps there’s something else to do about it. Nothing gruesome, most of the time I like it the way it is.
A: Even if your penis is too thick to be comfortable for your partners at first, there are indeed things you can do to make sex more comfortable which are not gruesome at all. If you’re having vaginal sex and don’t mind spending some time on foreplay instead of just going straight to penis/vagina penetration, using your fingers to loosen her up before you put your penis in her will probably help a lot. The vagina is an incredibly flexible orifice–since it’s capable of delivering babies, it’s certainly capable of taking in a penis, even an unusually thick one. If you use several fingers (probably at least three, from the sound of it) inserted gradually and one at a time, her vagina should loosen up over time, menopause or no. More foreplay in general may also help you, since the vagina loosens up a bit and lubricates more the more aroused the person is. If you bring your partner to orgasm before penetration, your penis may be easier for her to take.
Lube may also help you, since lack of lubrication can make an otherwise manageable penis very difficult to take. Every drug store stocks KY Jelly, which is a good lubricant. Even if you think she probably lubricates enough on her own, try more lube and see what the effect is. Many people think they don’t need lube when they actually do.
Further, since your partner is post-menopausal, it’s important to know that frequent penetration can help the vagina retain elasticity even after menopause–so if you’re only having sex once a week and she doesn’t vaginally masturbate in the time between, that may be part of why penetration is uncomfortable for her.
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The problem probably isn’t your girth. I’m about 6.5″ in circumference and I very rarely have complaints about it — except regarding oral sex, of course, where my partners usually laugh at the absurdity of it. Even anal sex when approached with gentleness and compassion has been a generally positive experience for my partners.
Lots of foreplay, especially oral sex, may be the key here. Lubrication is important, and so is going slowly. Even when it’s time for penetration I take my time getting in; done right, this is part of the play and seduction and teasing part of sex.
Are you thick all the way down? I’m thicker in the middle than at the ends, and so another technique is to change the depths of the strokes you use during penetration. I might only put a bit in… or put it all in but use shorter strokes. In some situations this can be less of a stretch.
And if you do use condoms I recommend the Magnum XLs. I haven’t found a wider condom yet. I find a narrower condom doesn’t make you any thinner, but *does* reduce my sensation and significantly lengthens my time to orgasm. If too much penetration is causing your partner to chafe, then getting off quicker is a good plan.
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