Q: If you are looking for more excitement during sex with your partner, is it wrong to ask him to do something that turns you on? To him, it’s a turn off and he gives up on sex completely.
When he wants sex, which is almost everyday, I’m not as thrilled cause he’s a quick cummer. I try to boost my energy so we can try but I don’t get turned on by just seeing naked people. For him I just take off my clothes and he’s hard. I try to ask him to do a few simple things that turn me on like finding my hole without me telling him where to go. He doesn’t bother to look down. He just tries to guess and it always fails. Then I have to get on top and stick it in. I’m I selfish for wanting a little spice? I just want to feel like my man is pleasing me sexually without me explaining every time what to do.
A: It’s not rude to give your partners tips on how to please you; many people would welcome ideas and tips on how better to excite and please their partners.
It sounds like the style of your current partner — intercourse without a lot of touching or other sexual play — may not give you time to become as aroused and interested in sex as you’d like. Asking for some specific things that may help (touching, caressing, oral sex, sexual play, and so on) may help.
Some people may not be very secure about their sexual skills and may hear a tip or request as criticism of their current techniques and therefore may not react positively. A good way to soften this can be to start off every tip with a compliment about how they currently do things. For example: “I really like the way we have sex–it’s hot!–but I was thinking yesterday about how it could be even hotter if …”.
Good luck to both of you.
[ Cross posted from Yahoo! Answers, where this SFSI Answer was chosen best answer to this question. ]