I just feel like such a freak! And I know girls my age wouldn’t understand and would just laugh. I don’t want to get rid of it because I’m guessing it will give me more possibilities later in my sex life. I just want to do something about it! It’s building up inside me but I don’t feel I can tell ANYONE! It’s a thing I’ve carried with me all my life and I don’t hate having it, but not feeling like I can do anything about it! So my question is, can someone help me? I would like to “relieve” it somehow but I don’t know if that would still be considered sex or harmless. I want to relieve it, do something about it, you know? Just take care of it without getting rid of it! Having somebody to tell! Can someone help me with this?

A: Many people have sexual dreams and fantasies about things that they wouldn’t want to try in real life. Having these dreams does not mean you will ever actually do these things. Many people also have fetishes; these fetishes can definitely be part of a healthy sex life, and people are often able to find sexual partners who accept their fetishes and play right along.

If you are worried about your fetish, it might help to hear from others who have had similar experiences. The book “Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples” by Violet Blue has some great information on fetishes in general (not just for couples). There are also good resources on the web: www.goaskalice.columbia.edu is a Q&A site devoted to sexuality, and there are several questions and answers there addressing foot fetishes.

Just keep in mind that having a fetish is not as “odd” as you might think. There are definitely others who can identify with you, and with a little searching, you can find some ideas for how to navigate your feelings until, and even after, you’re ready to share them with someone.

[ Cross posted from Yahoo! Answers, where this SFSI Answer was chosen best answer to this question. ]

www.babycenter.com/406_is-it-safe-to-use-a-vibrator-during-pregnancy_1245277.bc
www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/pregnancyandchildbirth/204904.html

The midwife on iVillage stated it was safe except for those with premature labor risks.

A few things to think about. Usually the baby’s head is not in the pelvic area until late in pregnancy, week 36. This means that the baby’s head is far away from the external genitalia and the vibration should be minimal to non existent at that distance. Additionally, shaken baby syndrome is caused not by vibrations but by rotational cranial acceleration; damage to the cervical spine or violent motions that are whiplash-like. If your concern is your Hitachi wand, you could use a less intense vibrator or using it with a towel or even underwear to decrease the sensation.

Another thought is that you could also contact Good Vibrations and ask them. Given that they’ve been selling vibrators for many years, they may some information.
From their website: If you have questions about sexuality and are looking for information and resources, we’re here to help. Send a message to our staff experts, Dr. Carol Queen and Dr. Charlie Glickman, and they’ll get back to you! Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with our docs at education@goodvibes.com! For product-related questions, please email or call our customer service staff at customerservice@goodvibes.com.

So here’s the problem: I’m fine experience-wise with my own pleasure because of, you know, owning a vagina that’s at my disposal to experiment with, but I’m not sure of how to go about really basic manual and oral sex on the male side. My boyfriend is comfortable with (and very skilled at) giving both manual and oral stimulation, and I feel badly not properly reciprocating. I’ve given a couple hand jobs, but I feel uneasy about it, and not sure if I’m “doing it right,” which is one of those awkward questions I’d rather not ask my boyfriend while I’m trying to give him an orgasm. I haven’t attempted oral yet, and the thought of it makes me pretty nervous. I know people’s experiences differ, and that I’m just going to have to live and learn at some point, but I’d like some advice on how to go about things, especially on the oral side, and hopefully come close to giving as much as I’m getting.

A: The best advice we could give you on how to please your boyfriend is to ask him. Seriously, even really experienced people need to ask their partners what they like because every person is different. So as you are doing things, ask him questions like, “is this good?” “should I go harder?” “do you want it faster?” etc. Also, it could be that your partner likes answering your questions. It can be really hot for some people to get to “show you the ropes” and teach you the way they like things. Think about it- would you mind answering questions about how you like to be pleasured? Probably not, if it means your boyfriend is better at pleasing you!

That being said, we do have some general information on what many guys like for oral sex. First, be careful with your teeth- try not to scrape or bite him. Second, the head, specifically the underside of the penis towards the top, is the most sensitive part. Many guys like to have this area licked, massaged, or played with. For some, however, this part will be too sensitive, and too much stimulation could irritate your partner- which is why you have to ask him.

Another tip for oral sex is to not try to put his entire penis into your mouth. It probably won’t fit, and you’ll probably just end up choking on it (not so sexy). So use your lips, tongue, mouth to lick and suck a little along the sides or around the top and use your hands to stroke his shaft where your mouth is not.

For hand jobs, the general idea is just to stroke his penis, much like he would if he were masturbating. The best way for you to learn how to do this is probably to have him masturbate in front of you (try asking him to touch himself for you), then try to duplicate what he does. In general, though, you want to stroke him up and down, slowly at first then faster as he gets more turned on. Lube can be really helpful with hand jobs because less friction = more pleasure. Ask him if he wants it harder or softer, faster or slower.

You can also try playing with his balls, either by licking them or gently rubbing them with your fingers, either as part of a blow job or a hand job.

You might also try looking at Very Koi, which has some tutorials for masturbation and oral sex. It might have some ideas or tricks you could try.

A: Thanks for your question. Since you are a minor (under age 18), any sexual act that you broadcast over the Internet technically counts as child pornography, even if it is consensual. While this likely would not get you in much trouble (except, perhaps, with your parents if they found out and were upset), the stranger on the other end of the chat could get in a lot of trouble (possession of and/or viewing child pornography can be a federal crime).

On another note, the Omegle web site does not seem to list any rules. In fact, available background details about the site are quite hard to find. Because of this, you might want to consider the slight possibility that your communications can be unknowingly recorded by either Omegle or by the strangers who you are communicating with on the site– I.e., your video could be seen by more people than those who you’ve had cam sex with. Since the site doesn’t really offer any information about itself, it’s not a bad idea to be a little extra cautious.

Be safe! And if you have further questions, feel free to write us back.

A: We don’t recommend KY lube. Try a glycerin-free lube, there are many made specifically for sex toys. Additionally, you might want to try using a condom when having strap-on sex. Please keep in mind that washing the dildo before and after each use will help to rid it of bacteria that may be causing your UTIs. If, during sex the dildo is used on a partner or partners other than you, cleaning it between sessions, or using a condom for one of you and then removing it before penetrating the next partner will help limit the spread of bacteria, On a similar note, you can use this same trick to avoid cross-contamination when going from vaginal intercourse to anal, or vice versa.

Another thing to keep in mind is that toys do have a limited life span. If your dildo is getting old it might be time to replace it. This is also true if you notice any cuts, gashes, nicks, etc. These can harbor bacteria, which could be contributing to your UTIs.

Please keep in mind that your UTIs might not be related to your strap-on sex at all. If you continue to have them we recommend you visit your doctor.

A: You will notice very little difference between a cut and uncut (circumcised and uncircumcised) male penis as far as you are concerned. The foreskin consists of the same skin that is on the head of the penis that folds over part or all of the head when the penis is flaccid (soft) or folds onto the side of the penis during erections. There are nerve endings in the foreskin that are also similar to the nerve endings elsewhere on the penis so this skin is sensitive and can be the source of added pleasure for the uncircumcised person.

The main difference has to do with hygiene as it relates to the uncircumcised penis needing more attention than the circumcised penis in cleaning and keeping the area clean. The area of skin around the head of the uncut penis can tend to have a stronger odor at times than the cut penis if the hygiene is lacking.

There are a few other things to know about the uncut penis such as some men prefer to have the foreskin pulled back prior to receiving oral sex and/or putting on a condom. Also, lube can be even more helpful on the uncircumcised penis, either with or without a condom, to reduce the amount of friction between the loose skin and the rest of the penis.

I used to fantasize about this when I was younger, but placed this on the back burner.

I understand that this will be a tough topic to give advice on. What kind of advice can be given about this? What is the easiest way of getting into this? Do you know of any websites that has more info on this?

A: Scat play is a fetish greatly enjoyed by some people. It’s very possible to enjoy scat play in a healthy way.

The main risks are getting scat where it can cause an infection. Likely places of infection are urethra, vagina, mouth and eyes. Getting scat in your mouth can lead to throat or intestinal infections. It’s not as much a problem to get your own scat into your mouth as it is the scat of another person. Your immune system is already used to the flora in your scat. Washing the anus before rimming will greatly reduce the bacteria there but may not get it 100%.

Another risk is catching Hepatitis. If neither of you have Hepatitis then you can’t get it, but it is considered a safe move by many scat play fetishists to get the Hepatitis Vaccines anyway. That way you’re protected with all partners.

As for how to get started, you just need to find out what is hot for you and your girlfriend. You might try acting out one of her fantasies first, as a show of support for her honest communication. Then you can think about what is hot for you about the scat play or other fantasies you may have. You may need to get a couple extra sheets and towels to cover your regular bedding, so you can be spontaneous with the play.

Go Ask Alice has a lot of info about scat play, rimming and A2V(agina).

A: Many people have fetishes similar to yours. Some people feel embarrassed by them and seek help, and others learn to live with their fetish or even embrace it by joining a community of like-minded people.

You may choose to incorporate your fetish into your sex life with your girlfriend. Fortunately for you, the wearing of spandex is socially acceptable, especially for workout clothing. Your anxiety about your girlfriend’s reaction may be much worse than her actual reaction would be. You may be able to incorporate your fetish into your sex life in a limited way that both of you would be comfortable with.

There is a book called When Someone You Love is Kinky, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt that might be useful in explaining your fetish to your girlfriend.

It sounds like you are concerned about the way your fetish is expressed, such as your desire to show it off. A sex therapist may be able to help you to overcome these tendencies so you can keep it a private matter. Eliminating a fetish altogether is quite difficult. There is usually more success in limiting the expression of the fetish. For example, wearing only a small amount of spandex or only wearing it once a week may be acceptable to you and your girlfriend.

There is more information on finding a sex therapist and what sex therapists do on the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists website.

A: Whether you are a male or female, the best thing you can do is to figure out what feels good to you. If you’re able to orgasm through masturbation, pay attention to what works for you both physically and mentally. It’s preferable that you feel comfortable with your sexual partner- comfortable enough that you can communicate this issue to him or her, not be worrying about it during sex, and be willing to try different things with time and without pressure to succeed right away.

[ Cross posted from Yahoo! Answers, where this SFSI Answer was chosen best answer to this question. ]

My other question is what exactly is retrograde ejaculation? What are the risks of it and how would one do it? Since I heard that it goes into the bladder so when in the bladder does it dissolve, does it come out when you pee, or what exactly happens?

A: There are many reasons a man may have difficulty ejaculating. Without knowing the specific cause of your friend’s difficulty, it is not possible to give you a sure-fire method to get him off. Also, even though they tend to happen in unison, ejaculation and orgasm are two different things and one can happen without the other.

For many men with this problem, the difficulty is psychological, and often a response to pressure to ejaculate, or other stresses in life. If this is the cause, the best way to approach it is without focus on the grand finale. Just play with touch and experiment with what turns him on and feels good in the moment. Sexual pleasure does not have to focus on building to the climax. Often, when a male becomes more comfortable with letting himself enjoy sexual play, the pleasure climaxes to ejaculation more easily. Finding what really turns him on can help as well. Sometimes what really gets a person going can be a surprise even to them. Viewing a variety of porn can help a person find what they respond to.

There’s also the possibility the problem may be medical. Blood pressure issues and diabetes are two common sources of problems with ejaculation and maintaining erections. Getting a physical and consulting with a doctor can either confirm or eliminate medical conditions as a cause.

Retrograde ejaculation can be caused by medical conditions such as diabetes, or can be accomplished purposefully through tantric practices. The muscles in the base of the penis clamp down forcing the semen back up to the bladder. The semen does come out during urination, giving the the urine a cloudy look.