San Francisco Sex Information

Q: Can daily masturbation (for a long time, like years) end in male infertility? Is there anything definite about sperm quality, for example could masturbating change the quality of sperm which might lead to a mentally retarded child?

A: Semen is a fully renewable resource. While ejaculating may lower your sperm count temporarily, when you ejaculate semen, your body simply makes more the same way your body makes more saliva after you spit. Masturbation has no known negative health effects. We recommend Jackinworld for more male masturbation info.

Q: I’m a married man in my 20s and I love my wife very deeply. I have a strange fetish that I have some questions about though. Before we have sex I like for my wife to talk to me about her past sexual experiences. I love my wife and wouldn’t give her up for anything in the world, but there is something about picturing her being pleased by another man that just drives me wild. Is this normal? Any information on this subject would be greatly appreciated.

A: Enjoying this activity with your wife is a completely normal thing to do. Many have often asked, and having this fantasy is completely normal. We’re sure there are many men who think about their girlfriend/wives having sex with other men while they watch. There is nothing wrong with it. People like fantasies and there’s nothing wrong with fantasies and imagination during sex.

Q: My friend told me that to use douches too much is not good for a woman? Is that true? Also if it is alright how often should someone use it? Like every few months?

A: Many doctors and health organizations now agree that there is no reason for douching unless your doctor specifically recommends it. Douching can disturb the normal pH (acidity) and the balance of “good” bacteria in a healthy vagina, leading to infections of unhealthy bacteria (known as bacterial vaginosis). There may be an association between douching and pelvic inflammatory disease because douching could push bacteria from the vagina up into the uterus.

It is not necessary to douche to clean the vagina. A healthy vagina will naturally clean itself. You can rinse your vulva with water in the shower or bath. You should only use very mild soap, if you decide to use soap at all.

Some women douche to change the smell of their genitals. A healthy woman’s genitals do have a smell, but it should not be unpleasant. If a woman notices a strong odor (sometimes fishy) or unusual discharge, it is likely that she has an infection that will need to be diagnosed and treated by a doctor. Douching might temporarily cover up the symptoms, but it will not do anything to treat the infection. It might even make it worse.

Q: I would like to know if you could help me overcome an unusual fetish that I have.

My fetish’s accepted name is been Wet and Messy fetish. It is featured on sex websites that I’ve been visiting since I got the Internet at age 13. Now I’ve been to many sites seeing how I can stop this fetish of mine. It’s one that I no longer want to practice with my partners because I feel it damages the relationship a bit. Personally, I cannot stop watching videos containing females getting, slimed, pied, food fights and so on. I feel maybe it seemed from the extensive amounts of Nickelodeon that I watched as a kid. Regardless that is not helping me solve the problem…

Recently, I’ve been visiting pay sites and various videos on YouTube, not necessarily sexually related, just ones featuring women. I watch them any chance I can get. As far as the pay sites, I have spent over 300 dollars on videos that I’ve in turn deleted in hopes of curtailing by viewing.

Interestingly enough, I have had partners that have partaken and enjoyed this with me, however I feel it is costly and I’m starting to have to conserve food as it is because expenses are getting tight.

Can you help?
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Q: My girlfriend and I have decided to have anal sex. Do you have any tips? We’re supposed to use lube right ? How do we prepare ourselves?

A: Here are a few tips for making anal sex enjoyable:
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Q: I have a question about knowing if a partner is satisfied in bed. Does the look on a partner’s face while his penis inside the vagina tell if he is satisfied? Can he tell if I am satisfied when his penis is inside my vagina? Do the sounds made by a partner tell? What kind of sounds are common when he is enjoying himself? Is his desire to do it again a sign of being satisfied in bed?

A: The best (and really only) way to know if someone is satisfied in bed is to ask directly. There is no noise or facial expression that means the same thing for every person. Communication between partners is very important. Tell him how you’re feeling in words, and ask the same of him.

Q: I’m a 28yr old woman. Last week I was having sex and my vagina kept making a farting sound. I got worried and stopped having sex. Do you know what could have caused this or is it a problem that I should see a doctor about?

A: Thanks for your question. There can be many strange body noises during sex that are perfectly normal. When a woman gets more turned on, her vagina lengthens inside and gets wider by the uterus to create more room. During sex, air can get inside the lengthened vagina, and when it comes back out, it makes a farting sound. This is also called a queef, or vaginal flatulence. It is perfectly normal and is nothing to worry about.

Q: Is it safe to have multi orgasms inside my partner without changing the condom? I mean, I would ejaculate inside her and while there is still sperm inside the condom, continue thrusting all over again. Won’t there be a chance of sperm getting outside the condom and inside her? Were there situations of unwanted pregnancy from situations like this?

A: Continuing to use the same condom after ejaculating in it does increase the chance that slippage will occur, especially if the penis softens after ejaculation, between orgasms.

It is generally recommended that condoms are changed after each sex act. Because you are continuing the same sex act, it would be a good idea to try to notice how hard or soft you are between orgasms and act accordingly. That is, if your multiple orgasms come in quick succession and you stay hard, there is less chance of sperm getting outside of the condom. If what you mean by having multiple orgasms is that you get soft in between, but you are still having orgasms close together in time then the condom is more likely to slip.

When you are done, hold the base of the condom as you pull out to prevent spills. You can also check the base of the condom during sex to make sure it is still properly in place. If the condom slips or sperm gets outside of the condom and into the vagina then there is a possibility of pregnancy.

Q: I have a question about “normal” sex fantasies. I am married happily (10 years). During that time I have had the recurring fantasy during sex and masturbation about watching my wife have sex with another man. Variety of places, positions, etc, and no one specific. I have told her about this and she wondered why. I don’t know what to tell her, but we did get the Ethical Slut book for more info about this sort of stuff. My first question is why do I want this to happen? During sex we talk about this and it gets hot, but why?

Recently my wife met a guy that she is apparently attracted to. She told me that if she were to fuck someone in front of me, it would be him. Is this just cheating on her part? Can couples have this sort of relationship (I am not interested in having other women)? Is there a name for this? If we go ahead and she does make love with this other guy, are there any ways to deal with jealousy that may pop up?

A: Many people enjoy bringing another person into their relationship for a variety of reasons. It’s definitely best to be honest about your feelings on the subject together and work out some agreements around how this might happen for you. A discussion of capabilities, fantasies, and boundaries along the lines of what is suggested in The Ethical Slut would be a great idea!

Like you, some folks start out initially only wanting sex, and then this may or may not develop into an emotional connection. The danger here of course, is that while you, for example, may want it to remain purely sexual, your wife may develop feelings for her friend, and this difference in desires could cause tension in your marriage.

As for the reasons behind your fantasy, there are some theories from evolutionary psychology and human anthropology which suggest that perceived competition increases desire amongst both men and women. For example, sperm count increases dramatically for men who are away from their spouse for a few days.

While many married couples find it fun to play with this dynamic with another man, the risk is of course that the play may turn into a very real competition over your wife. It might be best to seek out men who have had successful experiences as “secondary” partners and are specifically not interested in challenging the primacy of your marriage.

Some couples find that after developing a sexual relationship with a third partner, they develop feeling for this person and move into wanting to incorporate this third person into their lives in a more comprehensive way. Others prefer to keep it in the purely sexual realm. Time and experience will reveal what the three of you truly desire together.

Be prepared to shop around for the right guy. As with any kind of dating, you might have to interview or even date several potential partners before finding the right fit.

For a discussion of topics such as these, especially regarding your question about handling jealousy in polyamorous relationships, you might go looking for a community locally or online. There are many Polyamory resources to be found on the Internet.

Q: I have never done masturbation in my life. I feel scary doing it. I am 25 years of age and single. I want to know is masturbating yourself is safe or not? Does it cause any harm to your health cause me any problems after I get married? Is it a healthy activity if one should do it, especially a woman? I have never done it yet so does that mean am I not a normal girl ?

A: Several studies have shown that most women masturbate (between 70 and 95%, depending on the survey). There is a lot of variation among individual women, however. Some masturbate frequently, some occasionally, and some may not masturbate at all. Many women start masturbating in their teens, but it is perfectly normal for a woman to learn to masturbate when she is older, or to decide that she is not interested in masturbation.

It is up to you to decide if masturbation is right for you, but there is no medical or scientific reason why a woman shouldn’t masturbate. Masturbating is almost always safe and can even have some health benefits, like reducing stress. Masturbation is also a great way for a woman to learn about her sexual response so she can later teach her partner what feels good to her. This can be important because most women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. In this way, learning to masturbate now could have a positive effect on sex in your future relationships.

Common methods of female masturbation are rubbing the clitoris with the fingers, rubbing the pelvic area against an object like a pillow, using a vibrator on the clitoral area, or using the water from a shower head or faucet to stimulate the clitoris. These practices are all safe. It is also common for women to insert objects into the vagina during masturbation. It is usually best to use a dildo made for this purpose rather than a household or food item that could break or have sharp edges.

Here is a photo showing how to find the clitoris:

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