San Francisco Sex Information : Free, confidential, non-judgmental advice about sex

Should I talk to this guy again?

Q: Today I gave my ipod to a guy I really like. Afterward I realized i had all my porn, all the mtss episodes and in the web browser, and I had your page on anal sex open. I was wondering if you could tell me what boys think of girls who have that stuff on there ipod and whether or not I should ever talk to this guy again.

A: Everybody is different, and it is hard to tell what this particular boy will think, if he even noticed it all. However, this should definitely not discourage you from talking to him or being his friend. Many boys are super impressed with girls who know what they like and are comfortable with seeking it out. It can make things a lot easier for both you and the guy you are with if you already have an idea of what you like. You are definitely entitled to your own sexual preferences, idea, and thoughts, and it is always a good thing to be open and assertive about them. If you find pressure from somebody about what you like, it does not at all mean that you are doing the wrong thing.

Even though this might feel quite embarrassing now, it should not have to impact how you interact with him.

Tagged communication, teens

2009 05 13 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

How can I find a sex partner without spending money?

Q: Hello I am a mid-20s man from Europe. I have two questions, help me please. I have never had sex because of money shortage and my religion. It is difficult to make the first step for first sex. What would make sex easier for me? How can I make this step without money?

A: There are many ways to find sexual partners even on a budget. To start, you might want to consider what you like to do for fun and see if you can meet partners there. What are your hobbies? How do you spend your free time? Can you join any groups? Maybe there are groups where you can meet people of the same religion, if that is important to you. Also in some parts of the world people use the Internet and online dating services to meet people. Maybe that is an option in Georgia. You may also be able to find a matchmaker or you can take out an add in a local newspaper to look for a dating, although that will probably cost money.

Hopefully these are some helpful leads and will get you thinking.

Tagged finding partners, virgin

2009 04 29 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

Am I straight or gay?

Q: I am having trouble figuring out if I am gay or straight. The last time I dated a girl, I had absolutely no connection between us, and that has been happening for a while when I date girls. I also have feelings for male friends I can’t understand. Please help!

A: Thank you for your question. It is not uncommon for one to question their sexuality at some point. While we cannot tell you whether you are straight or gay, there are a few things you may want to take into consideration.

First of all, sexuality is not black and white. You do not necessarily have to choose between gay or straight. There are other identities, such as bisexual or queer, to consider. Perhaps you have an attraction to boys and girls.

Additionally, you may not have connected with the last girl you dated for several reasons, beyond just your sexuality. The feelings you have for your male friends may be sexual, or they may not be. You may want to try exploring these feelings in order to determine whether they are sexual, or not. Most people experiment with people of both sexes at some point in their lives before they become secure in their sexual identity. Given some time to think about your attractions, it should help you figure out what you would like for now.

Tagged bisexual, gay

2009 04 22 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

Is it healthy to drink pre-cum?

Q: My wife hesitates to suck my penis because of my pre-ejaculation. Does it affect her health to drink it? Even when I’m licking her vagina, and drinking her juices, I like the taste. Does it affect my health?

A: As with both men and women, pre-ejaculation can not affect your health. For men, pre-ejaculate fluid is usually released before the male reaches orgasm, which results in the ejaculation of semen. Pre-ejaculated fluid prepares the urethra for the semen and helps in lubrication during sexual intercourse.

Your wife may not like to give oral sex because of taste of the pre-ejaculate and she may not be comfortable in the act of oral sex. If that is the case you should have a dialog on her hesitation to suck your penis and maybe suggest that you both read some books on the topic and/or visit websites. Also, there are flavored oils and creams that your wife can put on your penis that can somewhat dilute the taste of the pre-ejaculation.

Tagged oral sex

2009 04 15 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

Question about orgasm pain, and masturbating in the shower.

Q: I am female and I have 2 questions. First, every time I have an orgasm my arms start to really hurt. I have never heard of this before and I was wondering if this is normal. It happens every single time (usually the right arm) and it is really painful for about 5 minutes.

Second question is that I use the water (in the shower) to masturbate – sort of like in the jaccuzzi. I like the water pressure but I have heard that by doing that I am putting my future pregnancy at risk since I am not sure if there is water going inside me or not.. it’s on the surface.

Will you please let me know if what I am doing is risky.

A: In response to your first question, many people experience pain, tingling and/or numbness in the extremities after orgasm. Some people experience this every time while others occasionally or never feel it. If the pain really bothers you, you could try various relaxing positions, in which you aren’t actively engaging your arm. Such as lying on your back or side without putting weight on that arm and see if that helps. It also might be useful to consciously focus on keeping that arm relaxed during orgasm. If this continues or is acute, consult a physician.

To answer your second question, using water is a great way to masturbate and it will not effect your future fertility. The water is entering your vagina but it can not travel all the way up to your ovaries, therefore it will not cause reduced-fertility. Olympic swimmers spend most of their lives in the water and are able to get pregnant without problems.

Tagged masturbation, orgasm

2009 04 08 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

What is a safe way to stretch a tight foreskin?

Q: My 60 year old boyfriend is uncircumcised. When he retracts his foreskin it tears. He has very fair, delicate skin. His foreskin does not retract easily even when his penis is flaccid.

What can a man do to gradually stretch the foreskin so that it does not tear during intercourse?

A: The difficulty with retracting the foreskin is called “phimosis”, and it isn’t uncommon in uncircumcised men. It can have different causes, so it might not be a bad idea to go get looked at by a knowledgeable doctor to narrow things down. Most commonly, doctors will recommend treatment by circumcision or by a steroid cream. Some people also have success with simply manually stretching the foreskin–gently, evenly, and frequently. One tool made to help with the manual approach can be found here: www.glansie.com

Tagged Add new tag, penis

2009 04 01 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

What can I use for lube?

Q: Being under 18 and not having my drivers license, I can’t get proper lube from a store (unless by a miracle my mom got if for me, no questions asked).

I was wondering if there are any household alternatives to lube that are safe for internal use? I had been using Vaseline but I read somewhere else that it can trap bacteria so I stopped.

A: Although the selection of lube may be much more diverse at an adult store, your local drug store, pharmacy, or super-market is likely to carry a water-based lube such as KY or Astroglide. It is not an age restricted purchase and is commonly found in the feminine hygiene aisle.

Most household alternatives such as Vaseline are oil based. This means that they breakdown latex condoms, may be more irritating (or trigger a yeast infection), and are more likely to leave stains. If you are not using a condom you could substitute vegetable oil or baby oil but most people find a water or silicone based lubricant to be more comfortable.

Tagged masturbation

2009 03 25 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

How safe is drinking blood?

Q: I have a question about an unusual, taboo sex act and I wasn’t sure who to ask. I have not engaged in this practice, but am curious about it. Is blood drinking considered a high risk sexual activity? I read somewhere that it is actually quite difficult to contract HIV that way because the acid in your stomach kills the virus, and that the only danger would be if one had open cuts or sores in the mouth. Is that true? Do piercings (i.e. Tongue, lip) count as an “open wound”? And if you can’t get HIV, can you get other diseases? Basically in a nutshell I am asking whether this would be classified as a high risk activity or if it is relatively safe?

A: We know that some people drink blood directly from the body and some people drink blood that has been previously drawn. The risk of each may vary.

If it is your own blood there is no risk. However, if it is someone else’s blood than there is a risk and, if you are unsure of their status, that risk is higher.

The diseases that are of most concern would be HIV and Hepatitis B & C and there are lesser but varying risks for other STDs.

HIV is known as a dangerous virus but it is also a fairly fragile virus. If the blood was directly from the person it would be a higher risk if you have small cuts in your mouth, possibly from brushing or flossing your teeth, that you may be unaware of. It may also get into small cuts that are on your lips or hands if the blood gets in contact with those areas. If the blood was previously drawn and exposed to air for a period of time or stored refrigerated the risk would be reduced as the HIV virus would be less likely to survive in either environment. In addition the HIV virus does not survive long when it comes in contact with either saliva or the digestive acids in the stomach

The Hepatitis virus however is much more resilient and can survive much longer than the HIV virus. For this reason there is a high risk of contracting Hepatitis if you were exposed to and drink blood that was contaminated. There are vaccines for Hepatitis A & B you can get for protection.

Piercings, if they have healed, are not considered open wounds. They do however provide an area that is at increased risk for irritations and those irritations may allow a virus or disease to enter the body.

Tagged fetish, std

2009 03 18 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

How do I give a handjob?

Q: If I want to give a guy a handjob how do I go about that? I mean is it just about the penis or the other stuff, too? And how do I do it? What makes it feel good for a guy?

A: First of all, keep in mind that every guy is different, and that what feels good for one guy may not be great for another guy. So, the most important part of handjobs–or any kind of sex, for that matter–is communication with your partner. This could mean just paying attention to the way he responds to what you’re doing as you try different things, or asking him what he likes. He might even be willing to show you how he likes to be touched.

The general idea of a handjob is to wrap a hand around the shaft of a penis and to stroke it up and down, much the same way a guy would masturbate by himself. However, there are many, many variations: dry or with lubrication, varying the grip, speed, or firmness, or stimulating other areas as well. Both men and women have a high concentration of nerve endings in the genital area, which is what makes it feel good to be touched there. On men, these sensitive areas generally include the head and shaft of the penis, the balls, the skin around and underneath the balls, and even the anus (though many guys are not comfortable being touched there). The most sensitive place on a guy’s penis is typically on the underside, where the head meets the shaft, but just like the clitoris, this can sometimes get oversensitive if it is stimulated too much.

If you’d like to know a little more about techniques that guys use on themselves, you can check out this website on male masturbation called Jackinworld.

For more on this and other general sex information, you might want to check out a book called Guide to Getting It On, published by Goofy Foot Press.

Tagged masurbation, penis

2009 03 11 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

Should I tell her I’m a virgin?

Q: I’m a 33 year old guy and never had vaginal intercourse. I just started dating someone I like very much, and who obviously has a lot of experience. I’m very self conscious about my virginity (at 33) and the fact that I have a (pathetic, in my opinion) 4 inch cock. I really want to have sex with this woman. Should I tell her, before, about my virginity and 4 inch cock. Or, should I just try my best?

A: Good communication is often a key to positive sexual experience. However, you don’t have to spell everything out right away if it makes you feel uncomfortable. You can mention that you are less experienced, and would want your partner’s instructions. It might start an honest dialogue, an opportunity for her to explain to you what she likes. Also, relax, sex is not a marathon. Take it slow, explore each others bodies and minds at a speed and comfort level compatible to you. Pay attention to what you like and she likes, and you will probably start learning very fast.

Many men worry about the size of their cock. However, there are plenty of men of all sizes that have satisfying sexual relationships. Your cock size probably won’t be a big issue, but should this be a problem for your partner, there are alternate sexual positions you can try together. On all fours with a partner entering vagina from behind (doggy style) helps to increase the depth of penetration. You can place a pillow under her abdomen for her comfort. Some people also like to use sex toys, and/or mutual masturbation, and/or oral sex. Some women care about full penetration, others don’t, and prefer foreplay, oral stimulation, or other forms of sex play instead. Communicating about it is the only way to know for sure!

Tagged penis, penis size, virgin, virginity

2009 03 04 Lil'Miss B Questions Comments (0) Permalink

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