San Francisco Sex Information

Q: I am 14 years old and last night I had a dream about me hooking up (majorly) with another girl. I have never properly kissed either a guy or a girl but I had this really intense dream which makes me think. Am I in denial? Am I actually a bisexual or even a lesbian? I’ve always thought it would be interesting to kiss a girl as well, just to say I have done it. But I think I would rather do the whole guy thing. Can you please help me?

A: Aren’t dreams amazing? So, what you have experienced is only a dream. Just as simple as that. There’s nothing wrong with feeling interested in kissing a girl or a boy. You are 14 years old and are still getting used to your body, and other feelings that come up. Fantasies are fun to have. Figuring out if you really like boys or girls in reality is something you have lots of time to do. What you are experiencing is pretty normal, and just realize that there are other girls and boys who might feel the same way. Again, its normal to have dreams and also to wonder what is the right path for you.

Q: I am struggling with something. I consider myself a straight male. I only ever catch myself looking at women, and quite frequently at that. I find, though, that I have a hard time keeping hard in regular sex. I didn’t really have successful sex until about three years ago, partially due to confidence but I also think that there is a part of me that just isn’t quite as intrigued by regular vaginal sex. I have watched porn for a long time and have gravitated to anal and transsexual porn. I only want to watch beautiful women, whether they be actual women or trannys, and like to see the men give it and take it from them. I also have secretly enjoyed dressing as a woman when I masturbate. It’s a purely sexual thing, I don’t identify as a woman at all. I’m okay with this for the most part.

Eventually I might share all this with my wife/girlfriend but there in lies the problem. I am a good looking guy and I get a fair amount of attention from women, and I really want to take advantage of it. I want to be able to frivolously have sex with a woman without having to do her in the ass, have her do me in the ass, or have me dressed as a woman. I want to be able to turn myself on more by traditional penis in vagina sex. I fear this is going to impede my hunt for finding the right girl for me as I have to have this giant disclaimer first. I am seriously fine with having these desires stored in me and will use them when I feel comfortable with bringing them out, but what I want most is to be able to just date and have sex with regular women and still feel satisfied. Any help would be great.
Continue reading ›

Q: How do I communicate with my partner about spanking? I want to try it with him, but I don’t know how to bring up BDSM topics with sexual partners.

A: There are several ways you can bring up the topic. For instance, it might be helpful to playfully bring up the subject during a neutral conversation moment so not to put pressure on him during your time being sexual. You could say something like, “Sweetie, let’s talk about sex and ways we can maybe spice things up.” Or, you could ask him if he has any sexual fantasies that he would be willing to share with you to get a sense of whether this might be something he is interested in and hasn’t known how to bring it up with you. Even if he doesn’t have that specific fantasy, it would be a good lead in for you to share about having a fantasy about spanking.

As another alternative, you could rent a movie containing the subject (“The Secretary” is a good Hollywood movie) and have a discussion about it afterwards, asking your partner what he thought, and if he might want to try something like that.

There are also plenty of rentable adult films that deal with spanking. You can look online at places like bluedoor.com (kind of like a Netflix for porn). And there are instructional type videos such as “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Spanking,” and other DVDs on Amazon.com (search for “spanking DVDs”).
Continue reading ›

Q: I am 23 years old and I am considering of getting circumcised. Would you please tell me what this procedure is like? Is it done by the urologist? Does it require full anesthesia? How long should I stay in hospital? How is the recovery?

A: Adult circumcision is usually done on an outpatient basis by a urologist so there is no hospital stay, and is generally done with local anesthesia and you are awake for the procedure.

There are two techniques that are used to perform the circumcision. The dorsal slit technique involves cutting a small slit down part of the length of the foreskin then the foreskin is pulled back and cut away and sutured.

The second technique is called the sleeve technique. A skin marker is used to mark the incisions and the foreskin is cut around the body of the penis so that a “sleeve” of skin is formed. The foreskin is then separated and removed and sutured.

As with any surgical procedure there are potential complications. Your doctor should be able to tell you about these in detail.

Aftercare involves gentle washing of the wound daily for 5-7 days after which you may shower regularly. Masturbation and intercourse should be avoided for 4-6 weeks after the procedure. But, again, your doctor can give you specific details about aftercare.

For a less medically focused information on adult circumcision, you can visit Go Ask Alice.