San Francisco Sex Information

Q: I’m a fourteen year old Bi male, and using Omegle I’ve had camera sex a few times with other consenting users. I was wondering if this is ever illegal in anyway, or if it’s something I shouldn’t be doing, and I’d love some advice.

A: Thanks for your question. Since you are a minor (under age 18), any sexual act that you broadcast over the Internet technically counts as child pornography, even if it is consensual. While this likely would not get you in much trouble (except, perhaps, with your parents if they found out and were upset), the stranger on the other end of the chat could get in a lot of trouble (possession of and/or viewing child pornography can be a federal crime).

On another note, the Omegle web site does not seem to list any rules. In fact, available background details about the site are quite hard to find. Because of this, you might want to consider the slight possibility that your communications can be unknowingly recorded by either Omegle or by the strangers who you are communicating with on the site– I.e., your video could be seen by more people than those who you’ve had cam sex with. Since the site doesn’t really offer any information about itself, it’s not a bad idea to be a little extra cautious.

Be safe! And if you have further questions, feel free to write us back.

Q: What’s the difference between sex with a guy who’s cut vs. uncut? My current boyfriend is foreign and will be moving here within two weeks. It’ll be his first time overall — so naturally he’s terrified — and my first time with an uncut guy. Is it going to make a difference in how I feel or how he feels?

A: You will notice very little difference between a cut and uncut (circumcised and uncircumcised) male penis as far as you are concerned. The foreskin consists of the same skin that is on the head of the penis that folds over part or all of the head when the penis is flaccid (soft) or folds onto the side of the penis during erections. There are nerve endings in the foreskin that are also similar to the nerve endings elsewhere on the penis so this skin is sensitive and can be the source of added pleasure for the uncircumcised person.

The main difference has to do with hygiene as it relates to the uncircumcised penis needing more attention than the circumcised penis in cleaning and keeping the area clean. The area of skin around the head of the uncut penis can tend to have a stronger odor at times than the cut penis if the hygiene is lacking.

There are a few other things to know about the uncut penis such as some men prefer to have the foreskin pulled back prior to receiving oral sex and/or putting on a condom. Also, lube can be even more helpful on the uncircumcised penis, either with or without a condom, to reduce the amount of friction between the loose skin and the rest of the penis.

Q: I am an 18 year old straight male with a spandex fetish looking to overcome it. I have always been turned on by people in spandex and by wearing spandex itself. I have no idea what started it, I have always been turned on by it. I secretly wear my mom’s tights when no one is home, and have a huge urge to show off wearing them. A few times I even put them on and rode a bike through the neighborhood, wearing a helmet and sunglasses (so no one would recognize me). It is a very embarrassing fetish and I often feel guilty and shameful about it. I have a girlfriend who I am turned on by, but I feel as if spandex turns me on even more than she can. That’s a terrible terrible feeling. I don’t know what to do but I know I want to overcome this fetish terribly.

A: Many people have fetishes similar to yours. Some people feel embarrassed by them and seek help, and others learn to live with their fetish or even embrace it by joining a community of like-minded people.

You may choose to incorporate your fetish into your sex life with your girlfriend. Fortunately for you, the wearing of spandex is socially acceptable, especially for workout clothing. Your anxiety about your girlfriend’s reaction may be much worse than her actual reaction would be. You may be able to incorporate your fetish into your sex life in a limited way that both of you would be comfortable with.

There is a book called When Someone You Love is Kinky, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt that might be useful in explaining your fetish to your girlfriend.

It sounds like you are concerned about the way your fetish is expressed, such as your desire to show it off. A sex therapist may be able to help you to overcome these tendencies so you can keep it a private matter. Eliminating a fetish altogether is quite difficult. There is usually more success in limiting the expression of the fetish. For example, wearing only a small amount of spandex or only wearing it once a week may be acceptable to you and your girlfriend.

There is more information on finding a sex therapist and what sex therapists do on the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists website.

Q: I’ve gathered a lot of information on my own but I’m in a bit of a bind. My intimate friend is living 6 hours away from me and he can not make him self ejaculate by masturbation, porn, prostate, ice… he’s tried all self ways of getting off. I come up there at the end of the month and would take care of it, but in between is there any sure method that will get him off?

My other question is what exactly is retrograde ejaculation? What are the risks of it and how would one do it? Since I heard that it goes into the bladder so when in the bladder does it dissolve, does it come out when you pee, or what exactly happens?

A: There are many reasons a man may have difficulty ejaculating. Without knowing the specific cause of your friend’s difficulty, it is not possible to give you a sure-fire method to get him off. Also, even though they tend to happen in unison, ejaculation and orgasm are two different things and one can happen without the other.

For many men with this problem, the difficulty is psychological, and often a response to pressure to ejaculate, or other stresses in life. If this is the cause, the best way to approach it is without focus on the grand finale. Just play with touch and experiment with what turns him on and feels good in the moment. Sexual pleasure does not have to focus on building to the climax. Often, when a male becomes more comfortable with letting himself enjoy sexual play, the pleasure climaxes to ejaculation more easily. Finding what really turns him on can help as well. Sometimes what really gets a person going can be a surprise even to them. Viewing a variety of porn can help a person find what they respond to.

There’s also the possibility the problem may be medical. Blood pressure issues and diabetes are two common sources of problems with ejaculation and maintaining erections. Getting a physical and consulting with a doctor can either confirm or eliminate medical conditions as a cause.

Retrograde ejaculation can be caused by medical conditions such as diabetes, or can be accomplished purposefully through tantric practices. The muscles in the base of the penis clamp down forcing the semen back up to the bladder. The semen does come out during urination, giving the the urine a cloudy look.

Q: What can I use as homemade female sex toys?

A: Many women use vegetables like cucumbers as dildos. If you are going to use any kind of a food item for insertion, it is best to cover it with a condom. Getting pieces of food in the vagina could lead to infection. Hair brush handles are also commonly used as an improvised dildo, but they may not be comfortable if they are extremely rigid and non-flexible. Avoid using any object that is fragile or has sharp edges. We recommend placing a condom on any object you are going to use for insertion, because if an item is not designed to be a sex toy, it is probably not designed to be easily sterilized.

Any item used for anal penetration needs to have a flared base to keep it in place. It’s not really possible to “lose” things in the vagina, but toys inserted in the anus could migrate further than intended if they don’t have flared bases.

Vibrators are readily available at many drugstore chains across the US. They are often sold as “massagers” for sore muscles. You could also use an electric toothbrush as a vibrator externally to stimulate the clitoris. Another option for clitoral stimulation is to use the water flow from a shower head or faucet. This is a very popular female masturbation method.