I’m worried about what will happen the next time we try to have sex. Could having had foreplay for so long have made me loose my erection? Is there something else that could have made me loose my erection?

A: As you say, it is possible that your body “gave up” on the possibility of having sex, and shut down your erection to save energy, so to speak.

Many men report that a quick blow job from their partner revives their erection nicely, so that they can have intercourse. Other men report that other kinds of licking, touching, caressing, or holding in various areas do the trick: nipples, butt, lower abdomen, inner thighs. You might ask your girlfriend to kiss and touch your body a bit to help you get in the mood.

The most important thing is not to lose your confidence. The brain is often said to be the most important sexual organ! You might play with having your partner tell you in that moment that she really wants to feel you inside of her. That works for a lot of guys. Along these same lines, when it’s time for intercourse, it might help for you to imagine what it will be like to have sex, and realize that you’re about to do exactly that; then you might get really turned on by your fantasy coming true, and have a massive erection.

There are a variety of condoms available in various shapes and sizes. It helps to find ones that work the best for you. If the condom is too snug, it can definitely interfere with an erection. Condom Depot is a great online shop that lets you search by condom style and size. They have diagrams and dimensions listed for each condom, and condom samplers, so that you can find the best fit for your penis. Also check out the ones with flared bases and/or extra head room like Pleasure Plus, Durex Love, or Inspiral – lots of guys use these for the same reasons you’re talking about. Others, like Durex Enhanced Pleasure have extra silky lube and a baseball-bat shape, if that works better for your penis. Some, like Crown Skinless Skin, are so thin you’ll barely notice they’re on at all.

You might want to try masturbating with various condoms first to find the one that feels the best to you, and get used to it, so that when it’s time for intercourse, you’ll be ready for action!

One last idea is to put just a drop or two of water-based lube on the tip of your penis before rolling on any condom. This helps the most sensitive part of your penis around the head get more sensation while the condom is on. Take care not to put on too much lube or the condom may slip off entirely!

I started college this fall and I’ve met a pretty great girl. We decided to try to have sex the other night, and those old problems caught up with me again…but it was even worse this time. I could not get erect at all. I was really embarrassed, and I know that she felt like it was her fault so I felt like even worse because of that. But we talked about the situation and everything is okay with me and her and our relationship…I’m just terrified to attempt to try sex with her again for the reason that I might not be able to get hard again.

I’ve read in many places that in my instance it is mainly psychological and I’m suffering anxiety…those both probably ring true. I know I was going through some anxiety the other night! I was just wondering if there are any tips or advice you have for me to get me to calm down and get this problem under control? I just want to have some enjoyable sex!

A: As you say, because you don’t have any problems with erections when you masturbate, it’s likely that what you are experiencing is psychological.It’s possible that with more exposure to sexual situations, you may become more comfortable and no longer experience this issue.Practice sometimes makes perfect, and some guys find that facing their fear in these situations works great.

You might also find that spending some time with your lover naked, getting comfortable, and letting her explore your body in a slow, low-pressure way might be another way to get over it. Take a bath together, light a few candles – what the heck? It’s worth a try! Lots of guys warm up with a little lube or a blowjob. For some, just talking through the feelings as they come up with a lover is enough to move through the block and on to sexual activity. Letting her know that you find her attractive and taking things slow should help.

Finally, you might find that you could use the assistance of a professional counselor to work through whatever is going on for you. If you’d like us to dig up a referral for someone in your area who specializes in these types of issues, let us know! We’d be happy to.

After that I had no sex because there was no one I loved. Now I like one girl and when I’m kissing her I have an erection. We haven’t had sex yet but I think it will be soon. I’m afraid I won’t be able to do anything with her. If I have no erection without feelings for a woman is that impotence?

A: It is very possible your lack of erection with the prostitute was caused by being drunk and not feeling attracted to her. If you are able to get erections with a woman you like or are able to masturbate (we don’t think there’s anything wrong with it) then there’s not really any reason to be worried.

It may be helpful to know that most men lose an erection at some point in their life. Sometimes it happens even if they are aroused and love the woman. It’s just a natural occurrence that sometimes it will go soft for no reason and become hard again later. Don’t panic.

A: If you were previously not having problems obtaining or maintaining an erection it is extremely likely that this issue is due to your new medications. Zoloft is notorious for this side effect. However, some studies have indicated that a side effect of Trazodone in some men may be to increase the duration of erections.

In your early 30s, you’re not too young for Viagra, which may help with the problem. Your best bet is to discuss this issue with your prescribing doctor. If you received your medications from a psychiatrist instead of a general practitioner they should, hopefully, be fairly well-educated on the sexual side effects of most SSRI medications. Some doctors prescribe Welbutrin, which has fewer sexual side effects but can have other non-sexual side effects. In any case, talking to your doctor about either changing your meds and/or trying Viagra may make the most sense. Different SSRI medications have different side effects on everyone, so you may have to try a few to find what’s best for you.

PS- we’re eagerly awaiting an answer!

A: Using two different forms of birth control, i.e. the pill and condoms together can even further reduce your chance of pregnancy. Either one of these methods, used separately, can be over 95% effective, so combined they are quite effective indeed.

A condom may reduce your sensation a bit and prolong your ability to have intercourse without ejaculating. However keep in mind that as this is your first experience, what’s going on with your brain may be the most important variable. Also, you have not established a baseline to determine how sex works best for you. So it would be good to go easy on yourself and be open to trying a bunch of different approaches to figure out what works best for you and your partner.

There are lots of different condoms to choose from. It’s good to try a whole bunch of different ones to see what you like best. The size and shape of your penis might skew your decision in one way or another. Some of the world’s best-selling condoms are Durex Extra Sensitive and Crown Skinless Skin. Many condom companies give reviews of different condoms and user impressions of different styles so that you can better determine what might work for you. You could try condomdepot or condomwizard.

If your partner would like to help you pick out and put on the condom that could be fun! Just remember when putting on a condom to be careful not to scratch it with your nails, hold the reservoir tip to make sure there’s no air bubble, and make sure you put it on the right way, with the roll on the outside, so you can roll it down easily. If you put in on backwards, you’ll know because it won’t roll down easily, so just get a new condom and try again. She might even try putting it on with her mouth, that’s fun for some folks