A: Aren’t dreams amazing? So, what you have experienced is only a dream. Just as simple as that. There’s nothing wrong with feeling interested in kissing a girl or a boy. You are 14 years old and are still getting used to your body, and other feelings that come up. Fantasies are fun to have. Figuring out if you really like boys or girls in reality is something you have lots of time to do. What you are experiencing is pretty normal, and just realize that there are other girls and boys who might feel the same way. Again, its normal to have dreams and also to wonder what is the right path for you.

A: Enjoying this activity with your wife is a completely normal thing to do. Many have often asked, and having this fantasy is completely normal. We’re sure there are many men who think about their girlfriend/wives having sex with other men while they watch. There is nothing wrong with it. People like fantasies and there’s nothing wrong with fantasies and imagination during sex.

Recently my wife met a guy that she is apparently attracted to. She told me that if she were to fuck someone in front of me, it would be him. Is this just cheating on her part? Can couples have this sort of relationship (I am not interested in having other women)? Is there a name for this? If we go ahead and she does make love with this other guy, are there any ways to deal with jealousy that may pop up?

A: Many people enjoy bringing another person into their relationship for a variety of reasons. It’s definitely best to be honest about your feelings on the subject together and work out some agreements around how this might happen for you. A discussion of capabilities, fantasies, and boundaries along the lines of what is suggested in The Ethical Slut would be a great idea!

Like you, some folks start out initially only wanting sex, and then this may or may not develop into an emotional connection. The danger here of course, is that while you, for example, may want it to remain purely sexual, your wife may develop feelings for her friend, and this difference in desires could cause tension in your marriage.

As for the reasons behind your fantasy, there are some theories from evolutionary psychology and human anthropology which suggest that perceived competition increases desire amongst both men and women. For example, sperm count increases dramatically for men who are away from their spouse for a few days.

While many married couples find it fun to play with this dynamic with another man, the risk is of course that the play may turn into a very real competition over your wife. It might be best to seek out men who have had successful experiences as “secondary” partners and are specifically not interested in challenging the primacy of your marriage.

Some couples find that after developing a sexual relationship with a third partner, they develop feeling for this person and move into wanting to incorporate this third person into their lives in a more comprehensive way. Others prefer to keep it in the purely sexual realm. Time and experience will reveal what the three of you truly desire together.

Be prepared to shop around for the right guy. As with any kind of dating, you might have to interview or even date several potential partners before finding the right fit.

For a discussion of topics such as these, especially regarding your question about handling jealousy in polyamorous relationships, you might go looking for a community locally or online. There are many Polyamory resources to be found on the Internet.