Eventually I might share all this with my wife/girlfriend but there in lies the problem. I am a good looking guy and I get a fair amount of attention from women, and I really want to take advantage of it. I want to be able to frivolously have sex with a woman without having to do her in the ass, have her do me in the ass, or have me dressed as a woman. I want to be able to turn myself on more by traditional penis in vagina sex. I fear this is going to impede my hunt for finding the right girl for me as I have to have this giant disclaimer first. I am seriously fine with having these desires stored in me and will use them when I feel comfortable with bringing them out, but what I want most is to be able to just date and have sex with regular women and still feel satisfied. Any help would be great.

A: Here are a few suggestions:

- Find some penis-vagina porn that turns you on and excites you. If you do this, you could save this in your memory bank to use for masturbation or while having sex and it can be exciting rather than just that thing that doesn’t turn you on.

- Do not masturbate a few days prior to having sex. This can help you maintain an erection for a longer period of time. Using a cock-ring could work too since it restricts blood flow to the penis and keeps the erection harder longer. We recommend one made of rubber, velcro or one that snaps so that it is easy to remove if you need to.

- Try using a different method for penis-vagina sex by giving a hand-job, blow-job or using a sex toy.

- Find like-minded people on websites, like alt.com or okcupid.com, who are interested in anal sex, even anal and transsexual porn.

Sometimes sex is just about having sex. It doesn’t necessarily mean having perfect sex all the time. Every sexual experience does not need to be a perfect 10. If you walk into a potential sexual experience knowing that it can be good, but not necessarily great, it might help you to feel more comfortable and aroused by the activities that you do end up having. You can definitely be OK and satisfied with having “regular” sex, but it is something that might not ever be equally enjoyable to you as some of the other activities you engage in.

Some women are into anal sex too. Other women may not be into penis-vagina sex at all. There are all sorts of potential partners out there!

A: There are many ways to find sexual partners even on a budget. To start, you might want to consider what you like to do for fun and see if you can meet partners there. What are your hobbies? How do you spend your free time? Can you join any groups? Maybe there are groups where you can meet people of the same religion, if that is important to you. Also in some parts of the world people use the Internet and online dating services to meet people. Maybe that is an option in Georgia. You may also be able to find a matchmaker or you can take out an add in a local newspaper to look for a dating, although that will probably cost money.

Hopefully these are some helpful leads and will get you thinking.

A: As far as we know, there are no specific munches for age play only, but there are lots of munches in the Bay Area catering to kinky and other sexual folks.

A great place to find a list of these in the Bay Area is at the Society of Janus website calendar.

There is also a group that has roots in the Bay Area called Diaper Pail Friends. They have a website full of information, and there are personals and party announcements. In a quick glance, we found a good number of activities based in the Bay Area.

Another online resource that might have groups would be tribe.net. A good number of the members are in the Bay Area (it was started here) and in a quick search, we found 37 groups, although not all of them were adult.

Finally, Craigslist.org is a direct resource for looking for folks into age play. Look under the “Casual encounters” for a start. Or even “Men looking for women.”

I am now all grown up an still have a huge desire concerning bondage, primarily concerning duct tape, gags, kidnap-and interrogation-fantasy. I want to get in a relationship concerning this, but I don’t know how to go about doing it. I don’t know how to tell, or if you can, if a woman wants to get involved with mutual sessions of the sort.

Let me be clear, I don’t want to have sex until I am married. Sure bondage has a sexual idea about it but it has a far wider appeal to it than just that. I can’t go to my family about any of this, I’ve probed them and can see that they have no religious tolerance for what I want to do. I am embarrassed to just approach a woman about this either. I have heard of BDSM clubs, but there are none within reach of me.

How do I develop a bondage relationship with a woman? I don’t know what to do or wear to go! Oh, and if it helps, I want to participate as a top and a bottom for the other’s enjoyment as well.

A: You mentioned BDSM clubs, and they can be a great place for someone to learn about BDSM and find other people interested in BDSM relationships. Since we don’t know where you’re e-mailing from we can’t give you more specific information on groups in your area, but try the Society of Janus for clubs near you.

While local communities tend to be the best way to meet people, if you are truly in a remote place then there are online personals for people interested in BSDM. Most websites of this type also have forums and groups for people living in certain areas. Extra care, of course, should be taken when meeting with someone in person if you only know them from the internet. The most popular personals site is bondage.com. When you meet someone from online it’s best to meet for coffee or other public place before getting intimate.

A quick note about terminology – if you’re looking to participate as both a top and a bottom you can be referred to as a “switch”. If you’re looking for a top and bottom female partner then she would also be a “switch”. You can find out a lot of the inside lingo and mores from books such as The Bottoming Book and The Topping Book by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt, or SM 101 by Jay Wiseman.