A: The short answer is, there’s nothing wrong with your vagina’s lips. “Big and baggy and super hot” is just as accurate and “big and baggy and really unattractive.” In this case, attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. As the beholder, it’s probably easier for you to get excited about how your vagina already looks than it is for you to change it. And the “him” you’re referring to is likely to take your cues as to how great your vagina is – if you think it’s great, he’s likely to agree. We know this whole love-your-vagina thing is easier said than done, but you’re far from the first person with this feeling and you can definitely get through it.

Just so you don’t have to take our word for it, we found some people who’ve put some work into the appearance of the vulva. Here’s what we found:

The Second International Labia Blogathon – thousands of words from many many women about labia. Start at the bottom if you want to read chronologically. It should at least give you some insight into other peoples’ perspectives on labia and the vulva in general.

Femalia by Joani Blank – this is a book of photographs of vulvae and labia. One per page, each a different woman. It can give you a good idea of the variety of vulvae that exist.