A: We are unaware of any research on how the behavior develops, but the reason people do it is because many people feel that it provides a very pleasurable orgasm. Auto-erotic asphyxiation is a moderately common sexual act and fantasy. It also can be a highly dangerous activity if not practiced carefully. There have been many documented deaths, some of rather famous people, who have died during asphyxiation accidents.

Wikipedia has good information on the subject at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_asphyxiation

Additionally, there are *safer* (nothing is ever safe) methods of practice. One of the best is to have a safety person physically present (in the room, aware of what’s going on, sober). Even if they are not participating in the act, they can help if something goes terribly wrong.

A: You said that you have tried masturbating, which is a really good way to find out what feels good and what doesn’t. What kind of techniques are you using? Have you tried using lubrication? A lot of people find clitoral stimulation can be really pleasing, directly or indirectly (touching or rubbing it with your hand and some lube, rubbing that general area with a soft object, or using a vibrator or shower massager). Many people especially find it easy to climax using a vibrator. You could also try a back massager, which can be found at any pharmacy or drugstore.

It can be helpful to experiment on your own to see what you may like, and then later try it out with a partner. Make sure that you talk to your partner before and during sex, and don’t be afraid to tell them if something feels good or bad. Also, be sure to go slowly and use enough lube. Lubrication can make a huge difference in how pleasurable sex may feel.

Keep in mind that not everyone enjoys oral sex, and people’s tastes and preferences definitely vary. It doesn’t hurt to try, but don’t get discouraged if you’re not loving the sensations.

Lastly, it’s probably a good idea to go to your doctor for an annual exam. They can make sure that everything is working just fine, and answer any other questions you may have.

A: If you can shop online try some websites like Goodvibes, Babeland, and Blowfish. They are woman friendly and have reviews and explanations of what the goal of the toy is.

The most economical start is probably one of the electric back or spot massager/vibrator types, called wand or coil.

Once you have relieved some stress you can take a step back and try the hands-on approach and learn the best ways to get off without vibrations.

Second question is that I use the water (in the shower) to masturbate – sort of like in the jaccuzzi. I like the water pressure but I have heard that by doing that I am putting my future pregnancy at risk since I am not sure if there is water going inside me or not.. it’s on the surface.

Will you please let me know if what I am doing is risky.

A: In response to your first question, many people experience pain, tingling and/or numbness in the extremities after orgasm. Some people experience this every time while others occasionally or never feel it. If the pain really bothers you, you could try various relaxing positions, in which you aren’t actively engaging your arm. Such as lying on your back or side without putting weight on that arm and see if that helps. It also might be useful to consciously focus on keeping that arm relaxed during orgasm. If this continues or is acute, consult a physician.

To answer your second question, using water is a great way to masturbate and it will not effect your future fertility. The water is entering your vagina but it can not travel all the way up to your ovaries, therefore it will not cause reduced-fertility. Olympic swimmers spend most of their lives in the water and are able to get pregnant without problems.

I was wondering if there are any household alternatives to lube that are safe for internal use? I had been using Vaseline but I read somewhere else that it can trap bacteria so I stopped.

A: Although the selection of lube may be much more diverse at an adult store, your local drug store, pharmacy, or super-market is likely to carry a water-based lube such as KY or Astroglide. It is not an age restricted purchase and is commonly found in the feminine hygiene aisle.

Most household alternatives such as Vaseline are oil based. This means that they breakdown latex condoms, may be more irritating (or trigger a yeast infection), and are more likely to leave stains. If you are not using a condom you could substitute vegetable oil or baby oil but most people find a water or silicone based lubricant to be more comfortable.

So I was wondering if you would have any suggestions as to another “tool” a could use for this. Keep in mind, I am underage and thus have no access to adult toys, and do not want to deal with the added difficulty/risks of buying a legit plug or dildo.

So the thing I want is:
Longer than chapstick
Rounded top (not needed, just an added bonus)
And available in my current situation

A: It is difficult not to recommend specially designed anal toys because they are the safest thing to put in your anus. If you use something without a flared base, you run the risk of getting it stuck up there and requiring a trip to the hospital. With that in mind, perhaps you can try some type of fruit or vegetable that is long enough so that some of it hangs outside of your anus, so you do not run the risk of losing it. You also have the option of shaping the fruit/vegetable however you like. You may also be able to get away with using some hair and body product containers like conditioner or lotion bottles.

If you can browse the net in privacy check out jackinworld.com (not a porn site) as they may have tips for anal masturbation for men.

A: Almost all people fantasize before or during masturbation; many people fantasize during sex with a partner as well. Most people would find it difficult to reach orgasm without entertaining some sexual thoughts. The thoughts many people have can include a variety of sexual activities that may not be activities they are comfortable with engaging in in their actual lives. You’re exactly right; thoughts and actions are separate things, and no one can be harmed by your thoughts.

As far as your question about taboo fantasies, only you can answer for yourself whether acting on something is OK or not. Some people act on taboo fantasies consensually, and others just keep them internal.

A: Semen is a fully renewable resource. While ejaculating may lower your sperm count temporarily, when you ejaculate semen, your body simply makes more the same way your body makes more saliva after you spit. Masturbation has no known negative health effects. We recommend Jackinworld for more male masturbation info.

A: Several studies have shown that most women masturbate (between 70 and 95%, depending on the survey). There is a lot of variation among individual women, however. Some masturbate frequently, some occasionally, and some may not masturbate at all. Many women start masturbating in their teens, but it is perfectly normal for a woman to learn to masturbate when she is older, or to decide that she is not interested in masturbation.

It is up to you to decide if masturbation is right for you, but there is no medical or scientific reason why a woman shouldn’t masturbate. Masturbating is almost always safe and can even have some health benefits, like reducing stress. Masturbation is also a great way for a woman to learn about her sexual response so she can later teach her partner what feels good to her. This can be important because most women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. In this way, learning to masturbate now could have a positive effect on sex in your future relationships.

Common methods of female masturbation are rubbing the clitoris with the fingers, rubbing the pelvic area against an object like a pillow, using a vibrator on the clitoral area, or using the water from a shower head or faucet to stimulate the clitoris. These practices are all safe. It is also common for women to insert objects into the vagina during masturbation. It is usually best to use a dildo made for this purpose rather than a household or food item that could break or have sharp edges.

Here is a photo showing how to find the clitoris:

Some women enjoy stimulation of their G-Spot. You can read more about it at this Wikipedia article on the G-Spot.

In general, masturbation can be a very pleasurable experience and a great way to learn about your body. It can take practice, so it is often better to relax and enjoy the experience than to focus on having an orgasm the first few times you experiment with masturbation. There are a lot of resources on the internet at places such as Wikipedia and Scarleteen.com that can help you out with these topics.

A: Lots of men of all sexual orientations enjoy butt play. All men have a prostate gland that many find intensely pleasurable and is sometimes compared to a woman’s G-spot, or sometimes called a P-spot. To locate the prostate gland just insert your finger (using some lube) into your anus and gently probe about 3-4″ deep along the anal wall towards your stomach. You might even consider getting a dildo for yourself. Here is a website where you can buy a nice selection of anal toys.

Many men find that lying flat on their backs on a towel with their knees bent is a good way to start experimenting with anal play. Don’t forget to use plenty of lube! Water-based lube can dry out quickly, so you might have to reapply frequently. Silicone-based lube lasts a lot longer. Both of these types of lube are compatible with latex condoms. You might even consider using a condom on your toy for easier clean-up.

-The SFSI Staff