A: We can’t tell you for certain why you’re having difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner, but we can suggest some possibilities for you to think about. The first question to ask yourself is whether you feel like the issue is more about sensation or more about what’s going on in your head.

Masturbation with your hand can provide tighter, more intense, or just plain different stimulation than oral, vaginal or anal sex. So it’s possible that you’re not getting the kind of sensation that gets you to orgasm from partnered sex. Have you tried masturbating while you’re with a partner? Perhaps having sex until you’re ready to orgasm and then “finishing off” with your hand. You might also have success trying different activities or positions during partnered sex. Perhaps a position that allows for deeper penetration, or playing with your balls during sex, for example. Different people prefer different techniques and sensations, so the thing to do is experiment and see what turns you on and gets you off.

On the other hand, perhaps the issue has more to do with how you’re feeling mentally or emotionally during sex with a partner. Much of what goes into orgasm and sexual pleasure is mental, and all the stimulation in the world won’t do the trick if your head isn’t in the right place. Some people get caught up in anxiety about their performance, for example, or feel conflicted about fantasizing while with a partner. If you’re feeling like there’s something keeping you from getting in the right headspace during partnered sex, you could take some introspective time to think about what exactly it is and what’s causing it. Sometimes mental issues benefit from working with a professional sex therapist, but sometimes they can be resolved just by thinking them through and perhaps talking with your partner about changes you could make in your sex together. For example, some people find that they need lots of evidence of their partner’s pleasure in order to get in the right headspace for orgasm, and they might get that by asking their partners to talk dirty and express their enjoyment during sex.

A: You might be able to have more orgasms if you don’t stop after the first one. If you want to last longer before your first orgasm, you can try using the stop and start technique. Try to change, reduce, or stop the physical stimulation you are receiving when you feel you are getting close to orgasm, then resume it a few seconds later when you are a little less excited. To change the stimulation you are receiving, you could change position or speed. Practicing this technique during masturbation may be helpful as well.

[ Cross posted from Yahoo! Answers, where this SFSI Answer was chosen best answer to this question. ]

www.babycenter.com/406_is-it-safe-to-use-a-vibrator-during-pregnancy_1245277.bc
www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/pregnancyandchildbirth/204904.html

The midwife on iVillage stated it was safe except for those with premature labor risks.

A few things to think about. Usually the baby’s head is not in the pelvic area until late in pregnancy, week 36. This means that the baby’s head is far away from the external genitalia and the vibration should be minimal to non existent at that distance. Additionally, shaken baby syndrome is caused not by vibrations but by rotational cranial acceleration; damage to the cervical spine or violent motions that are whiplash-like. If your concern is your Hitachi wand, you could use a less intense vibrator or using it with a towel or even underwear to decrease the sensation.

Another thought is that you could also contact Good Vibrations and ask them. Given that they’ve been selling vibrators for many years, they may some information.
From their website: If you have questions about sexuality and are looking for information and resources, we’re here to help. Send a message to our staff experts, Dr. Carol Queen and Dr. Charlie Glickman, and they’ll get back to you! Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with our docs at education@goodvibes.com! For product-related questions, please email or call our customer service staff at customerservice@goodvibes.com.

My other question is what exactly is retrograde ejaculation? What are the risks of it and how would one do it? Since I heard that it goes into the bladder so when in the bladder does it dissolve, does it come out when you pee, or what exactly happens?

A: There are many reasons a man may have difficulty ejaculating. Without knowing the specific cause of your friend’s difficulty, it is not possible to give you a sure-fire method to get him off. Also, even though they tend to happen in unison, ejaculation and orgasm are two different things and one can happen without the other.

For many men with this problem, the difficulty is psychological, and often a response to pressure to ejaculate, or other stresses in life. If this is the cause, the best way to approach it is without focus on the grand finale. Just play with touch and experiment with what turns him on and feels good in the moment. Sexual pleasure does not have to focus on building to the climax. Often, when a male becomes more comfortable with letting himself enjoy sexual play, the pleasure climaxes to ejaculation more easily. Finding what really turns him on can help as well. Sometimes what really gets a person going can be a surprise even to them. Viewing a variety of porn can help a person find what they respond to.

There’s also the possibility the problem may be medical. Blood pressure issues and diabetes are two common sources of problems with ejaculation and maintaining erections. Getting a physical and consulting with a doctor can either confirm or eliminate medical conditions as a cause.

Retrograde ejaculation can be caused by medical conditions such as diabetes, or can be accomplished purposefully through tantric practices. The muscles in the base of the penis clamp down forcing the semen back up to the bladder. The semen does come out during urination, giving the the urine a cloudy look.

A: This is a common problem among young men, but there are no foolproof solutions but there are several things you can do.

If you’re wearing a suit or tuxedo to prom, keeping the jacket on will probably hide your erection from view. And hopefully the pants you’re wearing to the prom aren’t so tight that they accentuate your erection. Also, you may want to wear briefs, not boxers. However, some men find that briefs make them more likely to get an erection.

Finally, many men find that masturbating before a date makes them less likely to get another erection for a few hours. It’s also possible she may not be offended, but might find it a compliment or in some way charming.

A: Many women use vegetables like cucumbers as dildos. If you are going to use any kind of a food item for insertion, it is best to cover it with a condom. Getting pieces of food in the vagina could lead to infection. Hair brush handles are also commonly used as an improvised dildo, but they may not be comfortable if they are extremely rigid and non-flexible. Avoid using any object that is fragile or has sharp edges. We recommend placing a condom on any object you are going to use for insertion, because if an item is not designed to be a sex toy, it is probably not designed to be easily sterilized.

Any item used for anal penetration needs to have a flared base to keep it in place. It’s not really possible to “lose” things in the vagina, but toys inserted in the anus could migrate further than intended if they don’t have flared bases.

Vibrators are readily available at many drugstore chains across the US. They are often sold as “massagers” for sore muscles. You could also use an electric toothbrush as a vibrator externally to stimulate the clitoris. Another option for clitoral stimulation is to use the water flow from a shower head or faucet. This is a very popular female masturbation method.

A: First of all, 2-10 minutes is actually the typical time for a male to reach orgasm, and at your age it is absolutely normal to reach orgasm very quickly. Secondly, many girls would prefer a shorter session to a session that lasts for hours because long sessions of PV sex can lead to pain for women.

As far as suggestions go:

-One thing you can do (if you’re comfortable with masturbation) is to bring yourself close to the point of orgasm, then pause to allow the orgasm cycle to relax, then continue until you get close again, and repeat. This can help train yourself into lasting longer.

-You can also take short breaks during intercourse (engage in other sexual activity- such as oral sex) to essentially do the same thing and extend the session.

-They also make condoms that are thicker than usual to decrease sensitivity, and condoms that contain a desensitizing substance on the inside (Durex Performax, for example).

Also, worrying/thinking about coming too soon will be likely to increase the chance of it happening. Try to relax, have a good time, and you’ll be fine.

[ Cross posted from Yahoo! Answers, where this SFSI Answer was chosen best answer to this question. ]

A: We are unaware of any research on how the behavior develops, but the reason people do it is because many people feel that it provides a very pleasurable orgasm. Auto-erotic asphyxiation is a moderately common sexual act and fantasy. It also can be a highly dangerous activity if not practiced carefully. There have been many documented deaths, some of rather famous people, who have died during asphyxiation accidents.

Wikipedia has good information on the subject at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_asphyxiation

Additionally, there are *safer* (nothing is ever safe) methods of practice. One of the best is to have a safety person physically present (in the room, aware of what’s going on, sober). Even if they are not participating in the act, they can help if something goes terribly wrong.

A: You said that you have tried masturbating, which is a really good way to find out what feels good and what doesn’t. What kind of techniques are you using? Have you tried using lubrication? A lot of people find clitoral stimulation can be really pleasing, directly or indirectly (touching or rubbing it with your hand and some lube, rubbing that general area with a soft object, or using a vibrator or shower massager). Many people especially find it easy to climax using a vibrator. You could also try a back massager, which can be found at any pharmacy or drugstore.

It can be helpful to experiment on your own to see what you may like, and then later try it out with a partner. Make sure that you talk to your partner before and during sex, and don’t be afraid to tell them if something feels good or bad. Also, be sure to go slowly and use enough lube. Lubrication can make a huge difference in how pleasurable sex may feel.

Keep in mind that not everyone enjoys oral sex, and people’s tastes and preferences definitely vary. It doesn’t hurt to try, but don’t get discouraged if you’re not loving the sensations.

Lastly, it’s probably a good idea to go to your doctor for an annual exam. They can make sure that everything is working just fine, and answer any other questions you may have.

A: If you can shop online try some websites like Goodvibes, Babeland, and Blowfish. They are woman friendly and have reviews and explanations of what the goal of the toy is.

The most economical start is probably one of the electric back or spot massager/vibrator types, called wand or coil.

Once you have relieved some stress you can take a step back and try the hands-on approach and learn the best ways to get off without vibrations.