A: Many people enjoy watching porn that involves sex that they are not necessarily interested in, and porn definitely falls within the fantasy realm. Some straight men will even watch gay porn even though they do not want that type of sex for themselves. You do not have reason to worry, because since your boyfriend is with you, then you are the type of woman that he is attracted to and wants to have sex with.

We would suggest checking out porn selections for yourself and exploring the different kinds of porn available that glorify women that are similar to yourself. This could help you with any insecurities because you will see tall women/ women in their 30s in sexy situations, etc. If you bring home a porn selection that you want to watch with your boyfriend, he will probably be happy to join you.

Here are a couple links to give you some ideas:

Violet Blue’s Smart Porn

The Goodvibes video selection

A: There is no proof of an increase need for shock or hardcore porn with continued viewing. It is true that some people enjoy a new angle or theme to their porn over time. However, many people keep watching the same basic stuff over and over and never look for something different. It really is a matter of personal preference. We can’t say if you are in a trend. You may have finally found your ideal porn and be happy watching the PublicDisgrace.com stuff as it comes out. Only you can know for sure.

What does your worrier side worry about, specifically? That you have a porn addiction? That you will have a desire to act out fantasies in real life? If you feel that it is actually becoming a problem for you we suggest seeing a sex therapist. Please email us for references or if you have more questions about this topic. But if your concern is that porn viewing is a “slippery-slope” towards hardcore kink you can stop worrying.

Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe I am on the right track. I would like your suggestions on how to deal with this subject in this day and age. My instinct is to put a couple of Tantric books around for him to find. Something that shows the integrity and beauty of sex.

I could really use some wisdom that will not preach some odd morals that want to convince my 14 year-old that he should be sexually numb until he reaches 21.

P.S. Also a concern of mine – how much can a mother talk to her son about sex before it gets weird?

A: Most teenage boys are masturbating as often as your son, and yes, all is normal. The fact that he’s looking at Internet porn is also very common, as it is easy to get and free. Many teens and people of all ages watch porn to masturbate, and there is no evidence of a negative effect. Porn plays into the fantasy realm of sexuality, and talking to your son about the realistic (or as you said, healthy) kinds of sex is a good way to communicate that sex in real life often does not replicate porn. Planting Kama Sutra books in places he may find is a great idea, as it might show him a more spiritual variation of sexuality, however, it might not replace his Internet porn use.

You may want to have one more conversation about masturbation with him to let him know the activity is ok and the fantasies are just that. Letting him know that porn is not the standard of how most people engage in sex might calm your fears that porn is going to be harmful to him. If the fear is that he will eventually treat women the way that porn stars are treated you can let him know that nearly everything in porn is planned out and much of it is fake. More conversations than that may become awkward. Do let him know you are available if he has questions. Also, point him at the Scarleteen website for sex information. It’s a good site for teens.

A: Fantasy and fetish are just that – fantasies and fetishes. A tranny porn fetish does not change your boyfriend’s sexual orientation. Lots of folks enjoy all kinds of fantasies and fetishes. It might even enhance your sex life together to incorporate your boyfriend’s fetish into your sex life. On the other hand – if it bothers you, why not just let your boyfriend enjoy his fantasies solo and leave it at that?

Lots of people experiment with various sexual fantasies – but never pursue them in real life. That’s why they are called fantasies. If the porn isn’t affecting your sex life together, why dwell on it?

Followup:

Q: Thank you so much for your insight. He had kind of brought up the idea of me wearing a strap on which I would be fine with. I just wasn’t sure if they were fantasies or if he liked men, Do you have any tips or advice on how to incorporate his fantasies into our sex life? I’m very open sexually and am willing to do just about anything. Thanks again, you really made me feel better.

A: The best tip that we can give you is to talk to him–he knows his fantasies better than anyone! It sounds like he’s already suggested one idea; so if you’re open to it, let him know that. And let him know that you’re interested in other ideas he might have for incorporating this fantasy. You might also talk with with him about ways in which the two of you could make his fantasy hot for you, or combine it with a fantasy of your own. That makes it less like a favor that you’re doing for him, and more something really mutual that you do together.

Since you said that he didn’t want to tell you about his tranny interest at first, it sounds like he might be shy or embarrassed about it. So be ready for the possibility that it might take him a little while to get comfortable talking about it–let alone enacting it. Also, lots of people have some fantasies that they really want to remain just fantasies, or that they just don’t want their partners’ involvement in. So be ready for the possibility that watching tranny porn by himself is exactly how he wants to express this fantasy, and that he might not be interested in exploring it further.