A: Some people may experience pain the first few times they have intercourse. It sounds like you and your partner are doing everything possible to make this a pleasurable experience. Open communication before, during and after sex is crucial to having a good time, finding out what both of you like, and even making improvements. It helps to be relaxed, and you may want to try using a water-based lubricant to aid your own natural lubrication. This may seem unnecessary, but it often makes a huge difference for many people. One thing you may want to try is warming up with fingers or a smaller sex toy. Going from nothing to penis may be a big jump and it might be helpful to start off with something smaller. You also may want to try different positions to see what works best for you- people are different, and not every position is comfortable for everyone. If you try these things and continue to experience pain every time, you may want to see a doctor. Hope this helps.

A: Difficulty achieving penetration is not unusual when you’re trying sex for the first time. It is possible that your vagina is too tight for him to get inside, but that’s not very likely. It’s far more likely that the two of you just haven’t yet found a position that works for you. Other possibilities are that you have an intact hymen that is getting in the way, or that his penis isn’t getting hard enough to penetrate you.

Have you tried exploring your vagina yourself? The better that you understand your own body, the better that you can guide your boyfriend. The first thing to do would be to penetrate yourself with your fingers and get an understanding of your vagina’s position and angle. Pick a time when you’re comfortable and relaxed, and have some lube handy. We recommend using a water-based lube. Then when you and your boyfriend are ready to try having sex again, use your hands to guide his penis into the right spot and angle.

As for being too small: if you can fit two fingers into your vagina, you are not too small. If two fingers won’t fit, start with one. As you get used to the feeling, you’ll likely be able to work your way up. Your vagina is a muscle, and a strong one. If it’s clamped down tightly it can be very difficult to penetrate, but as you increase your awareness of it you can learn to let that muscle relax.

Also, you mention that your boyfriend had a hard time having an orgasm. Does he get erect and stay erect? Penetration is hard to achieve when the penis is not fully erect. If that’s the case, feel free to write us again and we can give some suggestions for maintaining an erection. As you gain confidence with your experiences you can try things such as masturbating him to orgasm, or doing oral sex.

Finally, if when you explore your vagina you find a flap of skin that’s partially or completely obstructing the entrance, that’s your hymen. Women’s hymens are all different, with some being very thin or barely there at all and a few being thick and nearly covering the vagina. If you do find your hymen intact and in the way, then it is going to have to tear before you can have sex. Hymens sometimes hurt a little when they tear, but sometimes not. Probably the easiest way to tear your hymen would be to use your own fingers. Put one or two fingers into your vagina and gradually increase pressure on the hymen until it gives way.

Lastly, if none of this works for you we suggest you see a gynecologist. They will be able to diagnose any problems and suggest a treatment.

Last week I had unprotected sex, one week before my period (I should get it this week) If there is a chance I may become pregnant, would I still get my period and still may be pregnant, even though I’m on birth control?

A: The good news is that there is nothing wrong with you. Different women like different sorts of stimulation.

Make sure that you’re properly turned on before trying penetration. Your body probably won’t respond to penetration if you don’t work up to it first–kissing, groping, finger play, oral sex (giving and receiving). Some people like to use additional lubrication (that can be purchased at the drug store). This will reduce friction and, perhaps, enhance penetration for you.

Many women do find penetration with fingers or a penis to be pleasurable. However, most women need additional stimulation of the clitoris in order for sex to feel good to them. If intercourse and penetration aren’t satisfying you, try using fingers (your own or your partner’s) to stimulate your clitoris. Oral sex can also feel great on a clitoris. If you’re interested in experimenting a bit, consider using a vibrator.

The most important thing you can do to improve the sex you’re having, though, is to communicate with your partner. Talk about what does and doesn’t feel good to you. And if you’re not enjoying what you’re doing, remember that you can always stop!

As for your questions regarding pregnancy, as long as you’re correctly using your birth control, the chances of pregnancy occurring are very small. If unprotected sex causes you to feel anxious about pregnancy, it’s probably best to use a condom every time you have sex. This will also better protect you against STDs. Please check out our pages with pregnancy information.

When I was much younger, around 8, a friend and I…played with each other, orally. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it or not, making my nerves supersensitive. This habit of mine however seriously impairs my ability to have a relationship. I have never been able to make a girl come from intercourse. I don’t see how I can have a healthy sexual relationship when I come so quickly. Sometimes I can go 3 or 4 times in a row, but by then it has lost most of its luster, and regardless, this only really happens after I get to know the girl. Do you have any suggestions? I feel like this is both a physical and psychological problem.

A: Our frequent questions page has good information on some techniques to try. One easy technique is to masturbate before you see your partner so the pressure is off. It also recommends a book with more thorough information and advice.

Regarding the second half of your question, most children play sex games, it is quite normal to have had some experience of that kind. It would not affect you physically, but anxiety about it (or about anything) could affect your ability to maintain an erection or to keep from coming.

And regarding making a girl come from intercourse, many women do not orgasm from intercourse at all, but only from clitoral stimulation. If you are concerned about making your partner come there are many other ways to do so – for example try oral sex or stimulating her with your hand or a toy. The best thing to do is ask your partner what she likes and try other things besides intercourse. This may end up taking the pressure off you and relieve some of your concern about being a good sexual partner.

A: It is entirely possible (and relatively common) for “doggy style” intercourse to be painful for a woman, due to the fact that it allows for a deeper penetration into her vagina than other sexual positions.

If your partner is willing to experiment, here are a few things that the two of you can try to make the position less painful for her:

*Try not to penetrate her all the way. If it’s the depth of your penis in her vagina that is hurting her, you can keep your hand around the base of your penis during intercourse so that it doesn’t go in as deep.
* Use lubricant if you are not doing so already. This will ease some of the friction that the position creates.
*Start slowly, so that the sex is not jarring to her (fast speeds can be painful and unsatisfying for many women), and communicate with her throughout the sex about what feels good to her and what does not.

A: Thanks for your question! Many people enjoy sex in spas, bath tubs, and showers. Positions and activities are limited only by physical safety and your imagination. For spa/bath tub sex, you might want to try a seated position. You didn’t state the gender of your partner, but if your partner is male, you can straddle his lap, ether facing toward him or away from him, and if your partner is female, you might want to try one of you sitting in the other’s lap, facing away, with the person on the bottom reaching around to stimulate the person on top. For shower sex, some people have sex while standing up, but if you find that awkward or difficult, you can try a position where one partner is standing up and the other partner is bending forward or leaning against a wall. Many partners also enjoy simply washing each other in the shower, either before, after, or instead of sex. Some people also use toys such as vibrators or dildos in the tub with their partners–if you do this, make sure you’re using a toy that is clearly labeled as waterproof, and when you’re done with it, remove the batteries and let it dry thoroughly.

Regarding physical safety, please keep in mind the obvious: showers and tubs are slippery! Whatever position you’re in, make sure you’re braced against a wall or something else steady. Also keep in mind that the water in most showers, spas, and tubs can reduce the natural lubrication you produce, so you might want to consider using a water- or silicone-based lube to provide additional lubrication. And if you’re using latex barriers for safer sex, avoid bath oils, body oils, or any other bath product containing oil, as oil will break down the latex.

You might also want to check out the book Aqua Erotica, which is a collection of water-themed erotica–and has waterproof pages!

A: The feelings men experience during intercourse vary from man to man.

In the physical realm, some compression of penile tissue and slight friction of the extremely sensitive nerve endings of the skin of the penis is most often the desired effect. The head of the penis is rubbed along the walls of the vagina. Generally speaking, the goal is usually to stimulate the penis to produce an orgasm.

In the psychological realm, feelings of excitement and arousal are common. Other feelings such as love, dominance, and intense pleasure are also often reported. Sexual dysfunction can arise when incongruent feelings come up for men, interfering with their ability to enjoy intercourse.

Since intercourse is such a personal experience, asking different men about it might be a great way to get a variety of uniquely individual responses on the subject.

A: First you should know what you two are experiencing is completely normal. Many people deal with similar issues, especially when they are first having sex, or are having sex with a new partner.

The good news is that if your boyfriend is able to maintain an erection during other types of stimulation, then there is probably nothing physically wrong. What you are dealing with may just be nervousness, excitement, performance anxiety, or other feelings coming up for you both. It sounds like he may not have been fully hard or the angle may have been difficult. Frustration with the situation may just be making it more difficult.

It may help to try a less goal oriented approach to sex. Find a time when you are both relaxed and get comfortable, and then focus on what feels good without the pressure that you have to have intercourse. Take some time to learn about what he likes, and give him feedback about what you like. For many men the type of stimulation that they get from penis/vagina sex may not feel the same as other types of stimulation i.e masturbation, manual, or oral stimulation. This might be another factor. When you do decide to move on to intercourse it may help to try different positions or angles of approach because some positions provide more or different stimulation.

If your boyfriend is having trouble maintaining an erection from any kind of stimulation, then he should get that checked out by a doctor.