I don’t want to ruin my baby’s life by tearing his family apart but I don’t think I can deal with this anymore. What should I do?

A: It often difficult to say “no” to a partner, and while trying something new can sometimes lead to fun experiences, it sounds like you are very certain that this is not something that could ever be enjoyable or sexy for you. While his fetish is an unusual one, there are other people who share this fetish. It can be a difficult to find a partner who is interested in participating in it, but it is not impossible. However, it seems like the problem is less *what* his fetish is so much as his *behavior* to you around this fetish.

Several points that are of concern:

1. When your husband doesn’t get his way, the situation turns into physical violence.

2. He refuses to respect your right to say “no” to having the kind of sex he wants, even though you feel degraded by what he’s asking. He refuses to accept “no” as an answer and continues to pressure you even when you have repeatedly said no.

3. He refuses to compromise or seek outside assistance in dealing with rejection or perhaps finding other forms of sex he could enjoy with you.

4. He attempts to manipulate you by finding fault with your character (calling you “selfish” for not wanting what he wants) and saying you have to stay with him for the sake of your son, with the implication that if you stay, you have to participate in a sex act that disgusts you.

You are allowed to say “no” to any sex act you don’t wish to experience. It may also help you to seek a therapist who is more sensitive to your needs and who can help you deal with how scary/confusing this situation is for you.

[ Cross posted from Yahoo! Answers, where this SFSI Answer was chosen best answer to this question. ]

Now I am in a relationship with a 42 year old woman. I know asking her for shit play can be too nasty for her because the first time I got my fingers inside her ass and licked her anus she wasn’t too comfortable but she’s quite comfortable with it now, in fact she enjoys doing it. I have a weird fantasy of seeing her shit or even doing it with her. How should i go about it?

How can i educate her about it’s pleasure or how can i get her into it?

A: Many people enjoy anal play and masturbation. You are definitely not alone in that area. While scat play is probably less common, you are not alone in that area either. It is perfectly normal to enjoy your body and your sexuality in whatever way you choose.

As for getting a partner into your interests, the best thing to do is to communicate openly and honestly with her about what excites you. While she may or may not enjoy certain things as much as you do, perhaps she will be willing to try out something new if she sees how much you enjoy it.

I used to fantasize about this when I was younger, but placed this on the back burner.

I understand that this will be a tough topic to give advice on. What kind of advice can be given about this? What is the easiest way of getting into this? Do you know of any websites that has more info on this?

A: Scat play is a fetish greatly enjoyed by some people. It’s very possible to enjoy scat play in a healthy way.

The main risks are getting scat where it can cause an infection. Likely places of infection are urethra, vagina, mouth and eyes. Getting scat in your mouth can lead to throat or intestinal infections. It’s not as much a problem to get your own scat into your mouth as it is the scat of another person. Your immune system is already used to the flora in your scat. Washing the anus before rimming will greatly reduce the bacteria there but may not get it 100%.

Another risk is catching Hepatitis. If neither of you have Hepatitis then you can’t get it, but it is considered a safe move by many scat play fetishists to get the Hepatitis Vaccines anyway. That way you’re protected with all partners.

As for how to get started, you just need to find out what is hot for you and your girlfriend. You might try acting out one of her fantasies first, as a show of support for her honest communication. Then you can think about what is hot for you about the scat play or other fantasies you may have. You may need to get a couple extra sheets and towels to cover your regular bedding, so you can be spontaneous with the play.

Go Ask Alice has a lot of info about scat play, rimming and A2V(agina).

A: While shit play (a.k.a. copraphilia) may not be the most common fetish, there are certainly other people who enjoy it, and there is nothing wrong with it as long as you are being safe, sane, and consensual if you play with any partners.

However, we recommend that you don’t rub it on your pussy. Fecal matter contains many different types of bacteria and microorganisms which cause vaginal infections. You might consider using some type of protective barrier, such as a dental dam or saran wrap.

I read everywhere NOT TO DO THIS. I realize there is a bacteria in the anus that can cause nasty infections, but exactly what kind of infections could we get from doing this? I’m interested in finding out the exact details of what this might cause. Neither of us has experienced any serious side-affects, except one-time I got a sore throat afterwards.

Are we putting ourselves at a serious risk, and if so, what risk?

A: Oral-anal contact and play can be very arousing but does carry some risk because of the presence of bacteria, viruses or parasites on or in the anus or rectum. We’ll list some of the risks below and then give some other information. Please read all the way through (some of the first part may seem a bit intimidating). You’ll notice that when we talk about the risk, we mention fecal contact. If you’re putting fingers in the rectum, bringing them out and rubbing them on body parts, you’re bringing small amounts of feces along. While it may be small amounts, bacteria and viruses are also very small and can be carried along the way.

Here are the STDs that are a risk with oral-anal (fecal) contact:

Hepatitis A, Hepatitis C – Both are diseases of liver and the virus must be present (meaning, you can have oral-fecal contact, but if there is no virus in the anus, there is no risk). Hep A has some pretty clear symptoms and it’s easy to search the web for info. Plus there are treatments and a vaccine for Hep A. Hep C can also present symptoms but at present has no cure or vaccine. The long term danger is liver damage.

E-coli – Her blowing you after having some oral fecal contact can introduce the bacterium Escherichia coli (“E. coli”) into the urethra, causing a urinary tract infection.

Intestinal parasites, amebiasis, cryptosporidium, giardia – these are all organisms that live in feces and can cause various symptoms when introduced into the digestive or blood systems. Some can go almost unnoticed and some are more serious.

Chlamydia, gonorrhea – these are bacterial infections that can live in the anus and rectum and can be passed along.

Human papilloma virus (HPV), genital warts, herpes – viral infections that can live in the anus and rectum and be transmitted.

One thing that is NOT easily transmitted by this form of sex play is HIV.

So now that we’ve given you the list, and it may seem overwhelming, let’s talk about what you are doing and the relative risk.

First, know that folks who carry much of the bacteria, viruses and organisms above can appear perfectly healthy. Many of the bacteria involved are quite benign while in the rectum, but are problematic outside of that environ. If both of you are healthy individuals and have a healthy diet and lifestyle there is less risk of catching one of the serious viruses or parasites. If either of you have wounds or open sores either around your genitals or in your mouth, there is a greater risk of any transmission. What’s the most normal risk? Mundane infections from common bacteria and viruses. Probably like the sore throat you got.

Know that plenty of folks engage in oral-anal contact. “Rimming,” which is licking some-one’s anus (and carries much of the same risk as what you describe) is quite common among certain groups. Most times with healthy folks there are few serious consequences, but there still is a risk. A dental dam or plastic wrap would reduce the risk considerably, but also cut out the smell and taste.