Title: Introduction to LYRIC Services
Location: Audre Lorde Room, The Women’s Building
Time: doors open at 6:30, program starts at 7:00pm
Date: Tuesday, Oct 12
Tickets: https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/132213

Lavender Youth Recreation & Information Center (LYRIC) is a community center for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning (LGBTQQ) youth. This presentation contains a brief history of LYRIC, an overview of their services, why the work LYRIC does is important, and how to make referrals. The workshop also includes a fun, interactive, activity that gives a feel for the work they do!

Jay Maldonado is a transgender, bi-cultural, Latino transplant from the east coast. A native of New Jersey, he started his career as fundraiser. After years of wine and cheese events, he was moved by the need to connect with clients. In August of 2005, Jay began to work for a small community based organization in Newark, New Jersey where he found his calling managing programs for recently emigrated families. After four years directing Family Literacy programs in Newark, NJ, Jay decided it was time for a change of scenery and moved to San Francisco. Since arriving to the bay area Jay has coordinated Summer Reading, Parenting, and After School Programs in the San Francisco’s Mission District. Jay received his Master’s in Public Administration and brings extensive experience in program development to his role as Director of Social Change at Lyric. He prides himself on creating culturally sensitive programs that aim to build confidence, responsibility, and life skills in youth. In his free time Jay enjoys his yoga practice, attending art events, and expanding his circle of fierce trans folk trying to make a difference!

Alex Karson is a hip, energetic firecracker who is a youth activist and social justice cheerleader through and through. Prior to her work at LYRIC she worked as a youth advocate for youth experiencing violence in their homes, as a comprehensive sexuality educator, and ran groups for young women in the juvenile justice system. Alex graduated with a BA in Feminist Studies from The University of California, Santa Cruz, where she not only spent her time hugging trees but immersing herself in theories of anti-oppression. On her free time she enjoys teaching yoga, scuba diving and cooking delicious dinners.

A: First off, it sounds like you’ve already done your homework. Our impression is that you are already “doing it right” (using the recommended techniques to learn how to have anal sex).

We would like to point out that anal isn’t great for everyone. It’s okay to decide that anal sex isn’t for you. There’s no shame in that — everybody’s body is different. Pay attention to the warning signs your body is giving you, especially because the anus is a delicate part of the human anatomy, and it is easy to injure yourself during anal sex.

If you want to keep trying, try sticking with fingers for a while.

Fingers are a great anal sex toy to train with (though make sure your partner trims his fingernails, to avoid accidentally scratching you). Our impression is that you’re okay with your partner “warming you up with his fingers” but that his penis causes too much painful stretching for you. By starting with one finger, and then moving on to two fingers, you might gradually (over days or weeks) train your body to stretch to accommodate larger objects.

Leave his penis out of the equation until you feel comfortable having a similar girth of fingers inside of you. Also keep in mind that no matter how hard you try, your body simply might not be made for this. That’s okay. There are lots of other things you can do with your boyfriend that should be pleasing for both of you.

Kudos to you for doing your own research first, and for having good communication with your partner.

A: Thanks for your question. Since you are a minor (under age 18), any sexual act that you broadcast over the Internet technically counts as child pornography, even if it is consensual. While this likely would not get you in much trouble (except, perhaps, with your parents if they found out and were upset), the stranger on the other end of the chat could get in a lot of trouble (possession of and/or viewing child pornography can be a federal crime).

On another note, the Omegle web site does not seem to list any rules. In fact, available background details about the site are quite hard to find. Because of this, you might want to consider the slight possibility that your communications can be unknowingly recorded by either Omegle or by the strangers who you are communicating with on the site– I.e., your video could be seen by more people than those who you’ve had cam sex with. Since the site doesn’t really offer any information about itself, it’s not a bad idea to be a little extra cautious.

Be safe! And if you have further questions, feel free to write us back.

Many teens learn about sex from their peers or in school before they ever talk with their parents. It can be difficult to know where to start the conversation and what’s the most important information to include. We’ve gathered a panel of professionals to discuss how they teach teens about sex. We’ll hear about different approaches used by Planned Parenthood, Kaiser Permanente’s Educational Theatre Program, and a high school teacher. Come join us for a discussion of what’s working and how we can better meet the sex ed needs of teens today.

“All the kids are doing it: Sex Education for Teen Audiences”
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
doors at 6:30; class 7-8:30 pm
Sandbox Suites (123 10th Street, SF 94103)
Tickets are $15 general admission, $5 current volunteers

Thanks!

(she is ridiculously hot though)

Also, if I do take her up on her offer, and we start hanging out more, how do I talk to her brother about it, without making him want to hit me?

PS. Thinking about this doesn’t make me an asshat of a friend and a pervert right?

A: You are definitely not a pervert because you are attracted to your friend’s sister. Most boys your age are attracted to one or some of the girls in their lives, and this is completely normal.

First of all, just because your friend’s sister asked you to “hang out”, it does not necessarily mean that things need to get physical between you two. You might want to talk to her to see exactly what she wants (dating, relationship, something physical, etc) before you decide to do anything.

Secondly, 3 or 4 years can be a pretty big difference, especially next year when you turn 18, when there could be legal concerns depending on how her parents feel about your relationship. We have read that in your state, the legal age of consent is currently 14 with parental consent and 16 without it. We are not lawyers, however, and these laws do change. Things could turn out ok, however. It depends a lot on both you and this girl, how mature you both are, and how both of your families feel about things.

You mentioned that you are afraid of your friend, this girl’s brother. You may want to try talking to him about how you feel and about what his sister has said, and see how he reacts to that. From there, you can gauge whether or not it is worth pursuing things with the sister.

A: Everybody is different, and it is hard to tell what this particular boy will think, if he even noticed it all. However, this should definitely not discourage you from talking to him or being his friend. Many boys are super impressed with girls who know what they like and are comfortable with seeking it out. It can make things a lot easier for both you and the guy you are with if you already have an idea of what you like. You are definitely entitled to your own sexual preferences, idea, and thoughts, and it is always a good thing to be open and assertive about them. If you find pressure from somebody about what you like, it does not at all mean that you are doing the wrong thing.

Even though this might feel quite embarrassing now, it should not have to impact how you interact with him.

Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe I am on the right track. I would like your suggestions on how to deal with this subject in this day and age. My instinct is to put a couple of Tantric books around for him to find. Something that shows the integrity and beauty of sex.

I could really use some wisdom that will not preach some odd morals that want to convince my 14 year-old that he should be sexually numb until he reaches 21.

P.S. Also a concern of mine – how much can a mother talk to her son about sex before it gets weird?

A: Most teenage boys are masturbating as often as your son, and yes, all is normal. The fact that he’s looking at Internet porn is also very common, as it is easy to get and free. Many teens and people of all ages watch porn to masturbate, and there is no evidence of a negative effect. Porn plays into the fantasy realm of sexuality, and talking to your son about the realistic (or as you said, healthy) kinds of sex is a good way to communicate that sex in real life often does not replicate porn. Planting Kama Sutra books in places he may find is a great idea, as it might show him a more spiritual variation of sexuality, however, it might not replace his Internet porn use.

You may want to have one more conversation about masturbation with him to let him know the activity is ok and the fantasies are just that. Letting him know that porn is not the standard of how most people engage in sex might calm your fears that porn is going to be harmful to him. If the fear is that he will eventually treat women the way that porn stars are treated you can let him know that nearly everything in porn is planned out and much of it is fake. More conversations than that may become awkward. Do let him know you are available if he has questions. Also, point him at the Scarleteen website for sex information. It’s a good site for teens.

Questions:
1. Are body altering hormone treatments recommended at such a young age?
2. What would be the effects of testosterone shots?

Both sister and niece seems to feel this is a way to have her “fit in” better socially, but I disagree and am very concerned.

A: There is something known as the “Harry Benjamin Standards of Care” for people who wish to undergo sex reassignment. You can read more about them on the University of Minnesota site Under the Standards of Care, the treatment of adolescents is usually not done until age 18. This is because by this age, most adolescents are done with puberty and the hormone treatments will interfere less with their development. It does mention some cases in which hormones may be started earlier, usually at age 16. You can read in this document about the criteria doctors use when deciding whether a particular person is a good candidate to begin hormone therapy before age 18.

Shots given in this instance would have a few different effects: the first sets of hormones given suppress the menstrual cycle, then after some time taking these hormones, testosterone shots would be given. These shots have effects very similar to male puberty: deepening of the voice, growth of facial and body hair, increase in muscle mass, and development of other masculine characteristics.

We hear you are concerned about your niece; you may want to ask her as well as her doctor about the Standards of Care and how they are following them. You may also want to look at some resources about transgender issues. We would recommend Trans-health and TransGenderCare.

A: The age difference and teacher-student relationship are both concerning. The situation you are in is a really huge land mine. You could get into trouble and he could get fired or even sent to jail if he starts a physical relationship with you. The age difference issue varies from state to state but in all of them a 15 year old is considered too young to have sex with an adult. You can see the details on age of consent laws across the United States at Cool Nurse. The question of teacher-student relationships continues even in college and beyond. It’s considered an abuse of the teacher’s power to take advantage of the student that way, even if there is mutual attraction. Often the student is actually the one in a position of power by being able to threaten the teacher’s job.

That’s the information we have for you but it probably isn’t very comforting. Your feelings are very strong and new. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s great to communicate and connect with someone, and to have feelings for them. But be aware that acting on those feelings now could ruin his career or marriage, and possibly send him to prison. It could also have a severe impact on your reputation at school and your family.

That deep love and attraction for your teacher may seem overwhelming now, but it’s extremely likely that they will mellow or fade as you meet other folks along the way. Perspectives change as you get older and meet/date/go out with different people in your future life. If something like this was “meant” to be, then it is something that could happen in 4-5 years when you approach your twenties and it is above board for everyone. In the meantime we recommend you check out ScarletTeen, a good sexuality site for teens.